// These functions courtesy GoobNet, http://goobnet.net/ // Nathan S Brown, 2001-3 // Please use or modify these functions, but give me credit. // Have a nice day... function writewelcome() { var msg=new Array("IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE APPEARANCE OF THIS PAGE, JUST USE A DIFFERENT BROWSER", "PLEASE OPTIMIZE YOUR BRAIN BEFORE VIEWING", "TECHNOLOGY MAKES IT HAPPEN... EVENTUALLY", "PLEASE STOW ANY LOOSE ONES AND ZEROES IN THE OVERHEAD COMPARTMENT", "THIS WEBSITE IS AN INTERNATIONAL SAFE HAVEN FOR LIES - NO MALTREATMENT OF LIES SHALL BE TOLERATED", "BRINGING THE THRILL OF COOKIES TO YOUR FRONT DOOR", "THIS SITE FUELED BY LOUD ORBITAL MUSIC", "DON'T FORGET YOUR ENDTAGS", "MMMM, DISTILLED JAVASCRIPT", // 0x08 "THIS SITE MADE POSSIBLE BY CERTAIN TECHNOLOGIES DEVELOPED BY MICROSOFT - NICE ONE, BILL!", "HOW DOES THIS SITE REMAIN CONTEMPORARY? POLITICAL AGENDA HUMOR IS TIMELESS", "SADLY, THIS SITE PLAYS NO PART IN BRINGING SPACE TRAVEL TO THE MASSES", "EVER WONDER WHAT THE INTERNET WOULD BE LIKE IF AL GORE REALLY DID INVENT IT?", "ENDLESS TECHNOLOGICAL ADVANCES BRING NEW AND BETTER PORN", "BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL WEBSITE IS A NICE PIECE OF ASS", "REGINALD J GOOBER WATCHES THE 03:00 PT SPORTSCENTER", "NO TWELVE HOUR TIME PERMITTED BEYOND THIS POINT", // 0x10 "GET THE POINT? GOOD, BECAUSE I DON'T", "IP ADDRESS 107.218.64.229, YOUR HEADLIGHTS ARE ON", "MOLE LOOK-ALIKES INVADE HOLLYWOOD! DETAILS AT TWENTY-THREE", "ARE WE SOMETHING UTTERLY SPECIAL IN THE UNIVERSE... OR ARE WE JUST DUMB?", "AN ANAGRAM FOR \"GOOBNET\" IS \"NO BOG ET\"", "WE APPRECIATE YOUR CONCERN, BUT THIS WEBSITE IS NOT ACTUALLY A COVER FOR INTERNATIONAL DRUG TRAFFICKERS", "FILLING YOUR NON-SEQUITUR NEEDS SINCE 1997", "DON'T BLAME ME - I VOTED FOR YULIYA", // 0x18 "THESE STELLAR WORDS OF WISDOM BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE LETTER Þ", "THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WINDOWS 98 AND A LISTING PAPER AIRPLANE: YOU CAN STEER THE PLANE", "DISCUSSION QUESTION: IF JEFF BEZOS AND STEVE CASE GOT INTO A FIGHT, WHO WOULD BET THE MOST ON IT?", "AN ANAGRAM FOR \"GOOBNET\" IS \"GO ON, BET\"", "GO AHEAD, LIVE SOMEBODY ELSE'S FANTASIES", "MY IMAC ATE MY HOMEWORK", "IF SWALLOWED, INDUCE VOMITING AND CALL A PHYSICIAN - THEN CLIMB UP THE WALL"); var n=Math.floor(msg.length*Math.random()); document.write(msg[n]); } function writemoddate() { var lmod=new Date(document.lastModified); var months=new Array("JAN","FEB","MAR","APR","MAY","JUN","JUL","AUG","SEP","OCT","NOV","DEC"); var days=new Array("SUN","MON","TUE","WED","THU","FRI","SAT"); var yr=lmod.getUTCFullYear(); var mo=lmod.getUTCMonth(); var d0=parseInt(lmod.getUTCDate()/10); if(isNaN(d0)) d0=0; var d1=parseInt(lmod.getUTCDate()%10); if(isNaN(d1)) d1=0; var dy=lmod.getUTCDay(); var h0=parseInt(lmod.getUTCHours()/10); if(isNaN(h0)) h0=0; var h1=parseInt(lmod.getUTCHours()%10); if(isNaN(h1)) h1=0; var m0=parseInt(lmod.getUTCMinutes()/10); if(isNaN(m0)) m0=0; var m1=parseInt(lmod.getUTCMinutes()%10); if(isNaN(m1)) m1=0; var s0=parseInt(lmod.getUTCSeconds()/10); if(isNaN(s0)) s0=0; var s1=parseInt(lmod.getUTCSeconds()%10); if(isNaN(s1)) s1=0; document.write("© ",yr," GOOBNET ENTERPRISES, INC [WHICH DOESN'T ACTUALLY EXIST HOWEVER]
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