WEEKLY WHINE
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TOP KEYWORDS
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MON 26 JUL 2010 AUDIO FORTUNE COOKIES HAVE BEEN CANCELLED“Also, we missed that show.” Ask why we were watching Real Housewives of GoobNet Centre in Audio Fortune Cookies Have Been Cancelled. Keywords: Variety, Game shows MON 19 JUL 2010 SO THAT’S WHY MY MARGARITA IS SO CONFUSING“Looks like the power is still on in this building. And talking of power, let’s see who our Powerade Chosen Ones for today are.” See who has the highest Castrol Index in So That’s Why My Margarita Is So Confusing. Keywords: Variety, Sport, Misfortune Cookies, Football, Men’s World Cup MON 12 JUL 2010 BLUES, ZINGS, AND OCTOPUSES“You mean, we should have been looking away from it.” See what deserves your full and undivided lack of attention in Blues, Zings, and Octopuses. Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, Men’s World Cup, Review committee MON 05 JUL 2010 WHERE TIME HAS NO PLACE“Your team was something of a letdown by comparison.” Tell everyone’s teams what they might not want to hear in Where Time Has No Place. Keywords: Variety, Sport, Men’s World Cup MON 07 JUN 2010 ABUNDANTLY TRUE“As further punishment, we will then deploy the Prawn Sandwich Brigade to Afghanistan.” See the world’s most élite fighting unit by looking somewhere other than Abundantly True. Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, Men’s World Cup, Prediction MON 31 MAY 2010 GETTING THE MOST OUT OF YOUR WORDS“It is a second tier capability receiving first tier billing.” See what mail merging has to do with Chivas USA in Getting the Most Out of Your Words. MON 24 MAY 2010 BEST KITS EVAR!!!!!!“This is a good idea, but the home stripe should be red, not least because it will allow supporters to cry, ‘The red stripe is beer! Yay beer!’” See why you should be excited to find coloured graphic elements in Best Kits Evar!!!!!!. Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, Football, Men’s World Cup, Sport uniforms MON 17 MAY 2010 FOOTBALL IS COMING HOME AND GOING AWAY“We are confident that any of these nations would be capable of organising an extremely successful Men’s World Cup.” Evaluate the relative merits of a variety of locations around the world, without taking into account what they will be paying the referees, in Football is Coming Home and Going Away. Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, Men’s World Cup, Australia, England, Japan, Korea Rep, Netherlands, Belgium, Qatar, Russia, Spain, Portugal, United States MON 10 MAY 2010 INTERACTION: LETTING PARLIAMENT HANG“Will the parties prove unable to form a government and send us all back to the polls again? And if that happens, will the rest of the world laugh at us?” See why John Oliver will be unable to stop Jon Stewart in Interaction: Letting Parliament Hang. Keywords: Politics, Novelty, Interaction, United Kingdom MON 03 MAY 2010 20,000, MY ASS“So, if you live in a free nation, don’t forget to thank the longstanding corruption in Brazilian football for its place in keeping the world safe for democracy.” Celebrate Ricardo Teixeira in the same breath as Ronald Reagan and George W Bush in 20,000, My Ass. Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, Men’s World Cup MON 26 APR 2010 PREPARE FOR THE HOLLYHOCK REVOLUTION“But although we cover a comprehensive range of topics that affect everyone in the world, there are some stories that we regret we cannot give our customary full attention and insightful coverage to.” See why nobody ever asks us to produce their DVD special features in Prepare for the Hollyhock Revolution. MON 19 APR 2010 LET’S GO INTO SPACE AND STUMP EDVARD“If you would like a chance to stump Edvard, send all your personally identifying information to that one insane guy who has been at all of the tea party things in the United States.” Be forced into a difficult decision about whether stumping Edvard is really worth it in Let’s Go Into Space and Stump Edvard. Keywords: Space, Community, Edvard, Stump Edvard MON 12 APR 2010 DO NOT TRANSLATE IT INTO URDU“Rearrange the following letters to form the name of a cosmonaut who flew in space forty nine years ago today.” Find out why the best type of game is the one to which you already know the answer in Do Not Translate It Into Urdu. Keywords: Community, SHAGADELIC, Yuri’s Night MON 05 APR 2010 THE WORLD’S LARGEST UNDO BUTTON“GoobNet is to revert from sucking to not sucking.” See why you can’t revert to something that didn’t happen in the first place in The World’s Largest Undo Button. Keywords: Variety MON 29 MAR 2010 TOOLS PLEASE“None of this ‘special menus and tabs that are nowhere to be found until you’ve clicked on something’ bullshit.” Determine what you have to do to make our special opinions and remarks appear in Tools Please. MON 22 MAR 2010 SELF LOATHING“So when you watch the sports programmes on the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network, you will likely be reminded of a crowded sports bar, in which thirty percent of people are watching game A and cheering for one of the teams involved, twenty percent are watching game B and cheering for one of the teams involved, twelve percent are watching game C and cheering for one of the teams involved, thirty one percent are watching any of games D through K and cheering for one of the teams involved, and the remaining seven percent are feigning interest in any of games A through K and pretending to cheer for one of the teams involved in hopes of hooking up with that one really hot fan of one of the teams involved in one of games A through K, the one who has been keeping up a really interesting conversation about breakfast foods and the local establishments that serve the best ones of each type, a conversation that has been interrupted every couple of minutes or faster with either a cheer of excitement or a groan of disappointment, and that member of the remaining seven percent has been nodding in agreement with the conversation, all whilst trying to react to that one of the teams involved in one of games A through K in the correct manner so that the one really hot member of the other ninety three percent won’t notice that anything is amiss and will totally go back to the home of that member of the remaining seven percent after that one of games A through K is over, but not to the home of that one really hot member of the other ninety three percent, because that member of the remaining seven percent is completely sure that the home of that one really hot member of the other ninety three percent is covered with posters and pictures of that team involved in that one of games A through K, and that member of the remaining seven percent is also completely sure that all those distractions are going to be completely irritating and will cause a loss of focus at the critical moment, thereby completely ending that member of the remaining seven percent’s chances with that one really hot member of the other ninety three percent, leaving that member of the remaining seven percent to rue the decision to go to the home of that one really hot member of the other ninety three percent rather than to host that one really hot member of the other ninety three percent and risk being found out as something less than a total freakish committed fan of that team involved in that one of games A through K.” Ask the guy behind the counter to turn on game L in Self Loathing. |
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