SUN 15 AUG 2004 VARIETY Sport

WEEKLY WHINE

And it was actually on time

Naturally, you had a close eye on the opening ceremonies of the 2004 Summer Olympic Games in Athens. There was plenty of water, plenty of drumming, and plenty of ridiculous costuming. But how closely were you really paying attention?

THE OPENING DRUMS

What you saw: On the video screen, a guy banged a drum in Olympia. In the stadium, a guy banged a drum in time with the other guy.
What you missed: The guy banging the drum in Athens was actually the backup. The first guy was incapacitated due to a freak tympani accident.

THE CENTAUR

What you saw: Someone dressed like a centaur flung a glowing javelin at a big Cycladic head, which promptly exploded.
What you missed: The centaur was the son of the actor who appeared in the famous Monty Python "Pantomime Horse Is a Secret Agent" sketch.

THE GLOWING ARTEMIS

What you saw: Artemis, the Greek goddess of fertility, was represented by some girl with a glowing tummy.
What you missed: Bet you'll never guess how that belly was illuminated. They had to send her to a rave the night before so that she could pick up a bunch of glow sticks, which she ate immediately before her appearance.

THE HISTORICAL PARADE

What you saw: People outfitted like statues, ancient Olympians, mathematical formulae [don't ask], and Greek Orthodox clergymen performed repetitive actions on their floats.
What you missed: Disneyland called. They need their Animatronics back for Pirates of the Caribbean.

THE NATIONAL PARADE

What you saw: The women carrying the names of each nation were dressed like Greek vases. Really.
What you missed: Did you miss the explanation of why they had women wear big vases? So did we.

THE REPETITIVE GREEKS

What you saw: Yes, Pyrros Dimas came out twice. Greece traditionally starts the parade, the host nation last. But since Greece is the host nation, weightlifter Dimas began with the Greek flag and returned with all the other athletes at the end.
What you missed: What did he do in between? Well, he was getting down with the tracks that the world renowned Tiësto was spinning, including everyone's favourite rearranged classical piece, William Ørbit's version of Samuel Barber's Adagio for Strings.

THE OPENING WORDS

What you saw: Greek president Constantine Stephanopoulos declared the games open.
What you missed: In rehearsals, Stephanopoulos forgot his lines. He declared the Games of the 28th Olympiad "ajar" in one attempt, as well as "vacuous" and "leaking".

THE IGNITION

What you saw: Well known Greek sailboarder Nikolaos Kaklamanakis lit the Cauldron Which Is Not a Cauldron.
What you missed: Did you notice that after he lit it and before it tilted up to the 90° mark, it was still not yet burning very brightly? Yes, now it can be told: Kaklamanakis's job was just to start the pilot light.