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I’M BRITNEY SPEARS’S SON, AND GOOBNET IS MUCH SAFER THAN MY MOMMY’S CAR

WEEKLY WHINE

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ANOTHER CHANCE FOR BASEBALL TO ARRRGH!

“Actually, that’s good advice for all teams: Don’t complain about the schedule.” Take our advice with the entire container of salt in Another Chance for Baseball to ARRRGH!.

Keywords: Sport, Propaganda, Support, ARRRGH, Baseball, MLB

SCHMILBLICK PATROL: LISLE AUSTIN

“We Dutch don’t take too kindly to that sort of talk about speed skating.” Be aware of which lane you should occupy in Schmilblick Patrol: Lisle Austin.

Keywords: Novelty, Schmilblick Patrol, Sport, Football

FOR FAIRNESS, FOR HONESTY

“I can’t actually play it, but if I could, I would know how.” See if we are talking about Battleship or Risk in For Fairness, For Honesty.

Keywords: Variety, Sport, Football, Edvard

WHAT YOUR BASEBALL TEAM SHOULD WEAR

“However, the black was added just to sell more shit.” See exactly how much shit is the correct amount to sell in What Your Baseball Team Should Wear.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, Baseball, MLB, Sport uniforms

LOOK FORWARD TO THE BACK COLLAR

“Nobody knows quite how this came about or why this is popular all of a sudden, but it is.” Explain the unexplainable in Look Forward to the Back Collar.

Keywords: Support, SPEED, Sport, Sport uniforms, Football, MLS, Basketball, NBA, Baseball, MLB, American football, NFL

DO NOT FUEL YOUR LIGHTER WITH IT

“Complete this box such that each row, column, and diagonal contains exactly one asterisk.” Figure out where the calculators would go in Do Not Fuel Your Lighter with It.

Keywords: Community, SHAGADELIC, Sport, American football, NFL

NOW ACQUIRING SCHWANK

“We here at GoobNet are pleased to present to you this prediction of the results of the World Group of the 2011 Davis Cup, the 100th edition of the tournament, and of the World Group of the 2011 Fed Cup, the 49th edition.” Welcome a new keyword to the tie in Now Acquiring Schwank.

Keywords: Variety, Sport, Tennis, Prediction

WE TOO AVOID HEAT’S HOTEL

“You know what you did, basketball.” Determine whether David Stern has any shame in We Too Avoid Heat’s Hotel.

Keywords: Support, SPLUT, Sport

ACE LOGJAM RESOURCE

“Snacking Tips: A Story.” See why we didn’t select “Partying, So Can’t Kiss” in Ace Logjam Resource.

Keywords: Variety, Sport, Football, MLS

MINIMUM DISRUPTION, MAXIMUM EXCITEMENT

“As we told them in last week’s board meeting, they’ll have plenty of room if they just tear down that huge eyesore that is the Coastal Towers.” Enjoy the postgame spread at the Tony Roma’s on Collins Av in Minimum Disruption, Maximum Excitement.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, American football

MEN’S WORLD CUP HOSTS STUMP EDVARD

“The Dutch/​Belgian bid, obviously.” Make your total objectivity and lack of bias plain in Men’s World Cup Hosts Stump Edvard.

Keywords: Sport, Community, Edvard, Stump Edvard, Football, Men’s World Cup, Russia, Qatar

GOOD TRY, QATAR

“Although Warner suffers from a well known case of nepotism, it will not affect his vote here.” Obtain a prescription for Nepotaid in Good Try, Qatar.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Prediction, Football, Men’s World Cup, Australia, England, Japan, Korea Rep, Netherlands, Belgium, Qatar, Russia, Spain, Portugal, United States

64 BETTER NAMES

“In a marathon session that ran almost fifteen minutes, of which six were wasted because participants were suggesting names faster than Gaby could type them, the GoobNet Special Projects Enhancement and Enforcement Division [SPEED] has identified 64 potential names for your football club.” See if Stenography Kansas City appears in 64 Better Names.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, Football, MLS

LET’S REALIGN

“Arkansas State moves from the Sun Belt to the South Central Conference [formerly the SEC West Division].” See why the Red Wolves will be pleased to be part of South Central in Let’s Realign.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, American football

COLLEGIATE AMERICAN FOOTBALL: ARRRGH!

“Sorry, University of Notre Dame.” Prepare for the possibility that the Irish will fight back in Collegiate American Football: ARRRGH!.

Keywords: Sport, Propaganda, Support, ARRRGH, American football

SO THAT’S WHY MY MARGARITA IS SO CONFUSING

“Looks like the power is still on in this building. And talking of power, let’s see who our Powerade Chosen Ones for today are.” See who has the highest Castrol Index in So That’s Why My Margarita Is So Confusing.

Keywords: Variety, Sport, Misfortune Cookies, Football, Men’s World Cup

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