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WEEKLY WHINE

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THE SOLUTION TO REALITY

“Taking part in these challenges will help you engage your cerebral cortex, a skill that is frequently lacking in far too many of you humans.” Make your brain hurt in The Solution to Reality.

Keywords: Propaganda, Support, SPEED, Deep Whine

HOW TO CLEAN UP THE WOMEN’S INTERNATIONAL CALENDAR

“Let us now take this opportunity to introduce a Women’s International Timetable and Schedule for Advancing World Football and Unifying Leagues.” Deploy an angry tweet storm regarding our inability to deconflict the Olympic qualifiers and the CONMEBOL Women’s Nations League as we show you How to Clean Up the Women’s International Calendar.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, Football, Women’s World Cup, ITSAWFUL

HOW TO RISE TO THE CHALLENGE OF WOMEN’S FOOTBALL

“Is there not a way to give these teams something to do in the interim?” Become fully aware that the next Mia Hamm is out there – and that there exist female footballers other than Mia Hamm – in How to Rise to the Challenge of Women’s Football.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, Football

HOW TO PLAY MORE WOMEN’S FOOTBALL

“We expand the women’s Olympic football tournament to sixteen teams.” Discover that Jamaica are not going anywhere without a fight in How to Play More Women’s Football.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, Football

HOW TO QUALIFY FOR THE WOMEN’S WORLD CUP

“The AFC has an alarmingly low Women’s World Cup participation rate: less than half of its membership entered the 2019 qualifiers.” Remind Saudi Arabia early and often that women are footballers too in How to Qualify for the Women’s World Cup.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, Football, Women’s World Cup

ETHICAL STANDARDS OPTIONAL

“They wanted to know how groundbreaking this was, and they wanted to know what other fruits would capture the audience’s attention even more.” Realise that you really wanted to know all about passionfruits in Ethical Standards Optional.

Keywords: Support, SPLUT, Mathematics, Space, Science

RESULTS OF THE BENDER B RODRIGUEZ BLACKJACK AND HOOKERS CUP

“Some of the other unforgettable moments include Ethan Horvath’s acrobatic save of a Justin Kluivert header in the United States’ wild 5-4 loss to the Netherlands, the semifinal goal by Italy’s Jorginho that was disallowed after a tense fifty two minute video review, and the infamous press conference in which Robert Mancini denounced the corruption of the organisers of the Bender B Rodriguez Blackjack and Hookers Cup and announced that Italy were going to stage their own tournament, only to later conclude that both the tournament and the blackjack were to be discontinued, and, upon further reflection, so was the entire thing.” Realise that nothing is a complete load, not if you can imagine the Results of the Bender B Rodriguez Blackjack and Hookers Cup.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, Football

RUSH TO KEEP TRYING

“Luckily, we here at GoobNet do not limit ourselves to reality.” Reject our reality and substitute your own in Rush to Keep Trying.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, American football, NFL, Sport uniforms, Interactive

JASMINE’S THE PRICE IS RIGHT STRATEGY GUIDE: IF YOU’RE NOT SURE...

“If you’re not sure, avoid putting the least expensive item at the bottom.” Keep the soup out of the mailbox in Jasmine’s The Price Is Right Strategy Guide: If You’re Not Sure....

Keywords: Support, SPEED, Game shows, Strategy

JASMINE’S THE PRICE IS RIGHT STRATEGY GUIDE: UNWRITTEN RULES

“If you’re not sure, just guess US$3,000.” Say the secret word, which is totally not banana, in Jasmine’s The Price Is Right Strategy Guide: Unwritten Rules.

Keywords: Support, SPEED, Game shows, Strategy

JASMINE’S THE PRICE IS RIGHT STRATEGY GUIDE: TEN CHANCES

“So let’s prepare ourselves for it.” Wisely sidestep all numerical challenges in Jasmine’s The Price Is Right Strategy Guide: Ten Chances.

Keywords: Support, SPEED, Game shows, Strategy

JASMINE’S THE PRICE IS RIGHT STRATEGY GUIDE: COVER UP

“How, then, do you maximise the number of guesses?” Just keep saying numbers in Jasmine’s The Price Is Right Strategy Guide: Cover Up.

Keywords: Support, SPEED, Game shows, Strategy

THE FUTURE, AND WHY YOU SHOULD FEAR IT

“You can hide in your fear bunker and only read news that coincides with your preprogrammed worldview, but that has repeatedly been proven to make the future arrive suddenly without notice when you least expect it.” Watch the fakest fake news that ever faked the news in The Future, and Why You Should Fear It.

Keywords: Support, SPLUT

JASMINE’S THE PRICE IS RIGHT STRATEGY GUIDE: LUCKY SEVEN

“Just say five and win the car.” Do not say R or buy a vowel in Jasmine’s The Price Is Right Strategy Guide: Lucky Seven.

Keywords: Support, SPEED, Game shows, Strategy

CALLING ALL PUNDITS

“The event featured speeches by the presidents of FIFA and of Russia, who are top contenders for the Corruption Cup.” Apply a sufficient quantity of palm grease in Calling All Pundits.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPLUT, Football, Men’s World Cup

THE BENDER B RODRIGUEZ BLACKJACK AND HOOKERS CUP

“Red totally counts as dark.” Realise that everything is 40% useless in The Bender B Rodriguez Blackjack and Hookers Cup.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, Football

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