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FILLING YOUR NON-SEQUITUR NEEDS SINCE 1997

WEEKLY WHINE

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MORATORIUM

"If you're going to swear, just %&@*ing do it." Be a pain in the ass in Moratorium.

Keywords: Support, STING

LOOK AWAY, JOE

"It also prompted Joe Buck to become Tom DeLay." Go from bad to worse in Look Away, Joe.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED

YOUR TIE SHOT THE SHERIFF

"But be careful! Not all signs are ripe for the kicking, and not all vowels are ripe for the buying." Stop kicking at the whistle in Your Tie Shot the Sheriff.

Keywords: Support, Mixed Up Horoscopes

COLLEGIATE FIX

"But when we presented this task to them, most of them ran away screaming." Accept the challenge at the risk of your sanity in Collegiate Fix.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, American football

HOW TO SHAKE HANDS WITH YOUR REFEREE

"But remember, being too kind with your handshake can be just as bad as being too harsh." Learn to bake and shake in How to Shake Hands with Your Referee.

Keywords: Sport, Support, Football, Instructional video

CSI: BOLOTNIKOVO

"The answer: No. And not just because 'localised global warming' is an oxymoron." Present the possibility of poor phrasing in CSI: Bolotnikovo.

Keywords: Support, SPEED

HAND IT OVER, BETTMAN

"Any matters not listed in these regulations shall be subject to Commissioner Dole's discretion." Make the pucks your little black friends in Hand It Over, Bettman.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, Ice hockey

THERE'S A TELESCOPE FOR YOU

"The Al Gore Lunar Telescope will operate under the same values under which Al Gore operated his political career." Experience the thrill of the little known third category in There's a Telescope for You.

Keywords: Space, Support, SPEED

ON THE CHECKOUT STAND

"I just open my mouth without thinking!" Jump over Mrs Premise to Mrs Conclusion in On the Checkout Stand.

Keywords: Support, Tabloid

GAGNÉ YA

"Is not possible 84 straight times, unless your name is Lou Piniella." Offer a demonstration of how the runner was safe in Gagné Ya.

Keywords: Support

THAT'S JUST NOT LIKELY

"My mom won't let me read GoobNet!" Make your PICS labels pay in That's Just Not Likely.

Keywords: Support, Tabloid

BETTER GET USED TO IT

"You feel out of place." Make an attempt to adjust to new surroundings in Better Get Used to It.

Keywords: Sport, Support, Mixed Up Horoscopes, Football, UEFA

THAT'S WHAT WE'D LIKE TO SEE

"Actually, it doesn't matter what kind of sporting event it is. With John Tesh and John McEnroe announcing together, how can you go wrong?" Engage in a stimulating discussion over whether the ball was in in That's What We'd Like to See.

Keywords: Support, SPEED

IF YOU CAN'T BEAT THEM...

"How about Carolina chartreuse?" Identify room for chromatic improvement in If You Can't Beat Them....

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED

FINALLY, SOMETHING TO DO BEFORE THE THIRD PLACE MATCH

"This is a favourite exercise of Honduras coach Bora Milutinovic." Keep your eye on the ball in Finally, Something to Do Before the Third Place Match.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, Football, Men’s World Cup

STAND AND JEER

"This year, make an effort to acquire a prescription of chill pills." Enjoy the advice of psychiatric professionals in Stand and Jeer.

Keywords: Sport, Support, Mixed Up Horoscopes, American football

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