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WHAT TARA REID MASTURBATES TO

WEEKLY WHINE

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COMPUTE THE PROBABILITY OF STUMPING EDVARD

“Have you ever met a human who eats strange things?” Put down your quinoa and kale bar, pick up your calculator, and Compute the Probability of Stumping Edvard.

Keywords: Mathematics, Community, Edvard, Stump Edvard, Probability

FULLY CONFIDENT IN CONFIDENCE

“Five conferences were selected for our team of prognosticators to prognosticate.” See what prognostications our prognosticators have prognosticated in Fully Confident in Confidence.

Keywords: Variety, Sport, American football, Prediction

ETHICAL STANDARDS OPTIONAL

“They wanted to know how groundbreaking this was, and they wanted to know what other fruits would capture the audience’s attention even more.” Realise that you really wanted to know all about passionfruits in Ethical Standards Optional.

Keywords: Support, SPLUT, Mathematics, Space, Science

TOP LINES AS RATED BY THE COOLOMETER

“I deserve this.” Gain familiarity with the type of thing you can see in the Top Lines As Rated By the Coolometer.

Keywords: Variety, Futurama

GET ON THE BUS, OR THE TRAIN, OR THE MONORAIL

“It would be expected to open concurrently with the automated train, currently planned for 2023 – which can’t come soon enough.” Depart for your departure in Get On the Bus, Or the Train, Or the Monorail.

Keywords: Variety, Transit

THE WRONGEST PENALTY IN THE HISTORY OF WRONGNESS

“In a tournament that set a record with twelve own goals, one of them in the final, how can we decide who receives the coveted Jeff Agoos ¡Autogolazo! Award?” Take to the streets in outrage that your favoured candidate did not receive the Golden Blindfold in The Wrongest Penalty in the History of Wrongness.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, Men’s World Cup, Review committee

A BRIEF LOOK AHEAD

“The fact that this squad have not yet been brought down to Earth in horribly crushing fashion does not mean that it will not happen.” Watch the semifinals from your panic bunker in A Brief Look Ahead.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, Men’s World Cup

INTERACTION: MEN’S WORLD CUP VIDEO SCREENS

“What are we doing here?” Eagerly anticipate the spectacle of Luis Suárez answering the great questions of our time, which for all you know occurred on Interaction: Men’s World Cup Video Screens.

Keywords: Sport, Novelty, Interaction, Football, Men’s World Cup

THE MATRICES

“Well, obviously, we here at GoobNet totally know the answer to that.” Experience immense regret at not having taken the blue pill in The Matrices.

Keywords: Knowledge, Sport, Football, Men’s World Cup

THE GOOBNET MEN’S WORLD CUP CHANGE KIT CHALLENGE

“At the Men’s World Cup, each team has two kits.” Take the GoobNet Men’s World Cup Change Kit Challenge in The GoobNet Men’s World Cup Change Kit Challenge.

Keywords: Sport, Community, Football, Men’s World Cup, Sport uniforms, Interactive

RESULTS OF THE BENDER B RODRIGUEZ BLACKJACK AND HOOKERS CUP

“Some of the other unforgettable moments include Ethan Horvath’s acrobatic save of a Justin Kluivert header in the United States’ wild 5-4 loss to the Netherlands, the semifinal goal by Italy’s Jorginho that was disallowed after a tense fifty two minute video review, and the infamous press conference in which Robert Mancini denounced the corruption of the organisers of the Bender B Rodriguez Blackjack and Hookers Cup and announced that Italy were going to stage their own tournament, only to later conclude that both the tournament and the blackjack were to be discontinued, and, upon further reflection, so was the entire thing.” Realise that nothing is a complete load, not if you can imagine the Results of the Bender B Rodriguez Blackjack and Hookers Cup.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, Football

MEN’S WORLD CUP: WHATEVER HAPPENED TO...

“Employees watching the matches instead of getting shit done cause billions of dollars in lost productivity, but FIFA takes in billions of dollars on television rights and other merchandising, so it all works out.” Use your television to view satellite programming live in Men’s World Cup: Whatever Happened To....

Keywords: Sport, Knowledge, Football, Men’s World Cup

FOOTBALL LEAGUE: WHATEVER HAPPENED TO...

“They have never been top flight champions.” Avoid yoyoing in Football League: Whatever Happened To....

Keywords: Sport, Knowledge, Football, England

RUSH TO KEEP TRYING

“Luckily, we here at GoobNet do not limit ourselves to reality.” Reject our reality and substitute your own in Rush to Keep Trying.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, American football, NFL, Sport uniforms, Interactive

TOP LINES THAT ARE 999,999 IN A MILLION

“Wisconsin won the Rose Bowl 17-9!” Save the good algebra for the final minutes of the Top Lines That Are 999,999 in a Million.

Keywords: Variety, Futurama

JASMINE’S THE PRICE IS RIGHT STRATEGY GUIDE: IF YOU’RE NOT SURE...

“If you’re not sure, avoid putting the least expensive item at the bottom.” Keep the soup out of the mailbox in Jasmine’s The Price Is Right Strategy Guide: If You’re Not Sure....

Keywords: Support, SPEED, Game shows, Strategy

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