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The Summer Olympics are coming up soon, unless they’re not.

If they are coming up soon, you should prepare to see a great many sponsored segments during television coverage before, during, after, and between the events. Five years ago, the GoobNet Special Projects Enhancement and Enforcement Division [SPEED] submitted some recommendations for sponsored segments to the US television network NBC.

Surprisingly, none of their suggestions were deemed good enough to be incorporated into NBC’s television coverage of the 2016 Summer Olympics. We can only hope to see more profiles of athletes who totally never would have been able to compete in the Olympics were it not for the magnanimous intervention of benevolent sponsors during NBC’s television coverage of the 2020* Summer Olympics.

* The 2020 Summer Olympics: Now with more 2021!