WEEKLY WHINE

Flowcharts

Increase in pressure

Container leaks

Hydrogen flows out of the container

Spark is ignited

Container explodes

Loud noise is heard

Birds fly over to investigate

Birds caught in updraft

Birds wind up in nearby Dayton, OH

Birds all settle atop a newspaper's office building

One of building's satellite dishes is disabled

Employees can't gain access to news

Next day's issue conspicuously lacks report on Kosovo

Locals march on office building demanding daily articles about Kosovo

Following day's issue contains report about the march

Report blames faulty satellite system

CNBC reports on the newspaper's article

Satellite manufacturer's stock falls sharply

Manufacturer orders investigation

Investigators conclude that dish was sabotaged

Manufacturer's stock goes back up

Investigators accuse manufacturer's CEO of sabotage

Manufacturer's stock goes back down

CEO found to be at center of insider trading scam

CEO goes up the river

Manufacturer goes down the tubes

Manufacturer files for Chapter 11 protection

All satellites removed from orbit

Satellites burn up during reentry

Stupid people think incandescent satellites are UFOs

Police switchboard in Eugene, OR jammed

Police unable to respond to real emergencies

World news media report on three "UFO deaths"

Anti-sci fi backlash occurs in Eugene, OR

All copies of Close Encounters of the Third Kind in Eugene, OR destroyed

Steven Spielberg makes film about this

Film portrays anti-sci fi people as losers

Anti-sci fi people realise the error of their ways

People discover that sci fi in moderation can be very rewarding

New understanding for sci fi achieved