WEEKLY WHINE

You had to have been there

So I went somewhere yesterday, and on the way, there were these people in a car. There were three or four of them, I guess. [Three or four people, that is. They were in only one car.] Anyway, they said something to me. I don't know what they said, though. I was kind of interested to find out, but what could I do? I couldn't just go up to them and arbitrarily say "Pardon me, what exactly are you saying?" That wouldn't work, would it?

So when I was coming back from where I went yesterday, it was already today. Anyway, these three women were walking out of some club, and the one in the middle was quite plainly sloshed. Yes, to the extent that she required the support of the other two. They crossed the street and reached the corner at which I was located. The one in the middle looked around, deliberated to the other two [not with the other two, mind you] and finally pointed to the west, saying something like "I think that's the way." Again, what could I do? I couldn't just go up to them and arbitrarily say "Pardon me, are you all right?" That wouldn't work either, would it?

So in addition to Melissa and myself, Mike and Jay wound up here yesterday. We ate some pasta, and in the process, Mike began interrogating me about something. When he finished a question, Jay and Melissa simultaneously looked up from their respective plates at me, at which point I answered Mike's question. Then Melissa and Jay returned to concentrate on their pasta until Mike asked the next question. Again, each of them turned to me at precisely the same time. What could I do? I couldn't just go up to them and arbitrarily say "Pardon me, why are you two synchronized?" That wouldn't work, would it?

So some people I know were engaging in a knowledge match, and they didn't know that the Sun is never at the zenith if you're at latitude 30°N on Earth. But what could I do? I couldn't just go up to them and arbitrarily say "Pardon me, are you cracked?" That wouldn't work, would it?

So our apartment has a sink full of dirty dishes. Certainly this isn't a surprise. News flash: College students fail to clean dishes! The surprising part is that they aren't mine. Well, some of them belong to me, but they aren't mine in the sense that I didn't get them dirty. If I had, I would have cleaned them up, I think, but what could I do? I couldn't just go up to Melissa and arbitrarily say "Pardon me, why don't I clean all your dishes and do all your dirty work for you?" That also wouldn't work, would it?

So I was talking to Ryan, and he said that he wasn't too happy about one of his exams, so he went rollerblading for miles and miles and miles. He wound up in some faraway town, I suppose. [Note that when I say faraway, I mean Azusa or something as opposed to, say, Auckland.] Anyway, that's pretty far. But what could I do? I couldn't just go up to him and arbitrarily say "Pardon me, just how bad was this exam?" That wouldn't work, would it?

So our apartment needs vacuuming again. I did that before the break, and when I come back, I'm greeted with a floor that has just become messy again. But what could I do? I couldn't just go up to Melissa and arbitrarily say "Pardon me, what exactly have you been doing during the break?" That wouldn't work, would it?

So I was talking to some guy in the airport, and he was talking about his kids, one of whom is at Penn State. The topics were interesting, but unfortunately I can't remember any of it. What could I do? I couldn't just go up to him and arbitrarily say "Pardon me, could you make this a bit more memorable?" That wouldn't work either, would it?

So I was on the plane, and there were these two guys next to me who were apparently friends. Anyway, the plane was taxiing along, and one of the guys said something like "Dude, that one's big" to the other. But what could I do? I couldn't just go up to them and arbitrarily say "Pardon me, did you really just say that?" That wouldn't work, would it?

So I've been talking to this girl from Illinois for the past few weeks. There's a possibility that she might come here for some research this summer. Anyway, I keep saying stuff about how space is great and Earth isn't, and finally she said, "Did you have a nasty experience as a child involving soil?" But what could I do? I couldn't just go up to her and say "Pardon me, why doesn't that make any sense?" That also wouldn't work, would it?