WEEKLY WHINE

And the world still hasn't ended?

Earth still exists as 2000 comes to a close. Forecasts give a 95% chance that Earth will still exist at the end of this year. Of course, this is subject to change at any time.

Most of this year was wasted trying to figure out who the next president of the United States would be. Whilst we were all making a fuss about that, the bottom fell out of the Nasdaq composite index, which finished the year at only 2470.52. This is a dropoff from its position at the end of last year, 3675774.08.

Interest rates will be set differently this year, which means that Al Greenspan could either save the economy or ruin it. He could go down in history as the man who was able to bring prosperity to the US for good, or he could just go down in history. He could be either an astounding success or a tragic failure. But there's no pressure.

Galileo continued its lengthy journey around the moons of Jupiter with flybys of Io, Europa, and Ganymede. The spacecraft will continue to operate until it stops. For this reason, some have proposed renaming it after Strom Thurmond.

The failure of Sea Launch's third mission sent the first ICO satellite tumbling into the Pacific Ocean in MAR 2000, an event that basically required everyone to accept the reality that it can be pretty rough in the space business. Add to that the fact that ICO was just emerging from bankruptcy proceedings, and you have a company that knows a thing or two about hard luck. It's kind of the Priceline.com of the telecom industry.

Speaking of Priceline.com, you may have seen its commercials saying "We'll see you in 2001". But did you notice the disclaimer? "Look for Priceline.com staff members on street corners near you, starting in 2001. Please give what you can, as we're not doing too well."

On the home front, California is running out of electricity. Normally California stores its electricity in an abandoned railroad car somewhere near Sacramento, the exact location of which is not known to the public. However, the car sprang a leak earlier in the year, going unnoticed until early DEC 2000. Hence California's electricity supply has been dwindling slowly, making its way downstream to the San Francisco Bay and flowing into the Pacific Ocean. This has led to an intriguing proposal to resolve the electricity problem: Because the Golden Gate Bridge crosses over the flowing electricity, it is right in the midst of the magnetic fields induced by the flowing electricity. Thus, a large rotating wire ring mounted on the bridge can be used to produce more electricity from the travels of the lost electricity. The wire's rotation can be powered by the cars crossing the bridge. Paddles can be built across the bridge, and as cars strike them, they transfer some of their kinetic energy, spinning the wire. Under this plan, California would eventually restock the railway car in third quarter 2002.