WEEKLY WHINE

Reliability ratings

Know how much things change?

If you said no, we'll just tell you that things change a lot. The proof of that is an exercise for the reader.

But it can be comforting to have some things that will never vary and will never, ever become false.

Everybody thinks that Chicago is Illinois's capital instead of Springfield.

Likewise, nobody has ever heard of Jefferson City, MO.

The plural of series is serieses.

The Greek letter φ rhymes with buy, not bee.

Archimedes kicks Aristotle's ass in any and all categories.

SUVs are needless wastes of fuel. If you need storage space, get a pickup truck. If you need human space, get a van. There is no use arguing this point.

Know those things called turn signals? Use them to signal to your fellow drivers when you turn.

Backed up freeways bad. Public transportation good.

Calvin and Hobbes kicks Peanuts's ass in any and all categories.

Regardless of whether you have cable, satellite television, or satellite ratio, at least 90% of the entertainment options available to you at one time [if not more] will be absolutely awful.

Given a choice between a good, creatively ridiculous show like Family Guy and completely unoriginal garbage unashamedly plundered from previous programming, such as American Juniors, television executives will happily select the fertilizer every time.

The funniest thing in television history is Kathy Greenwood in the Living Scenery game on Whose Line Is It Anyway?.

The most disappointing thing in television history is Victoria Fuller in the Living Scenery game on Whose Line Is It Anyway?.

Continuing to derive over 80% of your energy from fossil fuels is absolutely moronic.

The FIFA World Rankings are not worth the electricity it takes to download them. Especially if it's California electricity.

The coolest jersey ever is a yellow one with the number ten on it.

A close second is a red one that reads BULLS and has the number twenty-three on it.

Anyone born more than 50km from the City of New York has an instinctive hatred for the Yankees which can be overcome only by intense parental conditioning. This includes people who have never heard of baseball.

WUSA is pronounced woosah, not dubya-you-ess-eh.

Singing "God Bless America" at baseball games is not only closed-mindedly jingoistic, it is phenomenally annoying.

There is no greater pleasure than catching a ball that flies into the bleachers.

There is no greater pain than being hit by a ball that flies into the bleachers.

The worst tragedy imaginable would be if the Chicago Cubs spoiled their fans by winning three consecutive World Serieses.

The rest of the world is irritated by Americans not because they "envy our freedoms", but because Americans blindly get involved in other people's affairs despite the fact that they cannot identify their own fucking nation on a map.