WEEKLY WHINE

¿Quiénes son Chivas USA?

Well, we're here live at the console to view the first match of MLS's tenth season. But instead, ABC is letting us know that Pope John Paul II has died. Kind of a bummer there.

Meanwhile, we'll have to listen to DC United's radio feed for their match at Chivas USA.

A quick check of the Chivas USA roster tells us that there are four former Galaxy players on their squad. There's Ezra Hendrickson, who's facing his most recent team today, Jesús Ochoa, Ryan Suarez, and Arturo Torres.

The radio announcer has suggested that the slight delay in the kickoff was prompted by the TV people. He's probably right - the match has been moved over to ESPN. They were going to show some college basketball dunk contest or something, but this is obviously much more important.

So now we've tuned into JP Dellacamera and Eric Wynalda on ESPN. They throw it to Brandi Chastain, talking with Freddy Adu. Unfortunately, Brandi's wearing a shirt.

Sorry, but that's been a required joke here at GoobNet for years.

This match will end up kicking off about fifteen minutes late in all.

Meanwhile, over on the DC roster, they've picked up England international Steve Guppy.

Now we're underway, with DC wearing all black and Chivas USA in the red and white vertical stripes of their parent club, CD Guadalajara.

Other than Guppy's entrance and Hendrickson's departure, DC look basically unchanged from last season.

Remember when Chivas USA were announced last season? Owner Jorge Vergara said he wanted everyone to speak Spanish? But then he went and hired Tom Rongen, a Dutchman [and former DC coach]. Other than Hendrickson, though, most of the Chivas lineup seems to be of Hispanic descent.

Chivas have now moved into DC's attacking third, but Christian Gomez was able to break it up and start moving the other way.

Speaking of Rongen, Chastain reports that he's been speaking in body language so far.

Chivas get a corner in the eighth minute, but they end up letting it bounce all over the area. Chivas had a rough preseason, but they ended up defeating América, Guadalajara's bitter rivals, a couple of weeks ago. So far today, though, Chivas look to be struggling against the defending MLS champs.

Plenty of empty seats in the Home Depot Centre's central sections. The cheap seats behind each goal, of course, are packed with noisy supporters.

An excellent cross there by Jaime Moreno, but the forward, whoever it was, is unable to reel it in.

Meanwhile, ABC has just debuted something that they are very happy about, "Side by Side". This is the dumbest idea since Fox's glowing hockey puck. It's merely a split screen with a commercial on the right side, and match action on the left. That means they can spam us even while we don't "miss" a moment of action! Yaaaay!

Now, in the sixteenth minute, Chivas USA have a free kick about "twenty six, twenty seven yards out of goal", as Dellacamera says. The kick is taken well, and DC keeper Nick Rimando is forced to make a diving save. He then punches out the ensuing corner.

DC have now taken two long shot attempts, the latest from Ben Olsen. Both were well off target.

We have it: the First Booking for Chivas USA. It's Hector Cuadros. Congratulations, sort of.

ABC is also debuting Skycam today, which is a much better idea - except that its configuration and colour make it look like a DC player at first glance.

Now that they're showing us a good view of the stands, it's not that full at all. The area behind the south goal seems to be about 70% full or so, and some sections have several empty rows.

Cuadros is down now, in the twenty third minute. Brian Carroll collided with him - their knees bashed into one another.

Naturally, they take the opportunity to show us another Side by Side commercial.

Although I guess it's better than Jim Nantz reminding us every five minutes that 60 Minutes is on next, except on the west coast.

Chivas are playing it back and forth amongst the defenders. The supporters begin to whistle.

But Chivas were eventually able to play it into a good opportunity, though Taylor's shot was blocked.

They've just cut to an extended view from Skycam. It was pretty fun. Try it saying "Wheeee!" next time you see it.

Rongen is caught on mike saying, "Very good, Ramón! ¡Muy bien!" Yes, he is learning Spanish.

Now Chivas' Francisco Gómez is down, and he'll be subbed out.

Francisco Mendoza replaces him, thereby keeping the Francisco quota safe. Mendoza enters in the thirty second minute.

Now here come DC. Moreno rushes past Skycam, pushes it ahead to Carroll, who passes across the goalmouth to Josh Gros for the easy finish.

So DC move ahead in the thirty second minute. Chivas subsequently attack, but the pass is off target.

DC's passing has been much better all day. Eskandarian just pushed one ahead to Moreno on the counterattack. That final pass was too far forward, but that's been a rarity so far.

Ezra Hendrickson can't believe he was just called for a foul. Don't say that year and a half as Carlos Ruiz's teammate hasn't taught him anything.

Speaking of Ruiz, how the hell can the Galaxy trade away their leading scorer for three straight years and get back Landon "Pretty Boy" Donovan?

Meanwhile, Thiago Martins continues the tradition of every new home team at the Home Depot Center attempting a bicycle in the first half. Ruiz did it two years ago, and now Martins. Well done everyone.

Wynalda has just apologised for calling Josh Gros "Jeremy". Apparently Wynalda has a friend named Jeremy Gros. So congratulations for making it onto cable, Jeremy Gros.

And now we have our first shoving contest of the day, between Mike Petke and Thiago Martins, whose jersey reads Thiba. Neither are booked, which Wynalda thinks is smart; he'd rather referee Kev Stott just settle them down. Of course, Wynalda never met a yellow card he liked.

Meanwhile, out of respect, we will be sidelining the "Pope" John Paul Dellacamera joke until further notice.

Chivas get another corner in stoppage time, but once again DC are able to release the pressure.

Going into halftime, DC lead 1-0. Dellacamera lets us know that the halftime show will be "exploring" the week's big story, Landon Donovan's return to MLS. But for those of you who prefer word substitutions, it sounded more like "exploiting". Which, of course, is what will happen every time ESPN2 broadcasts a Galaxy match.

This break seems like a good time to let you know what we'll be doing over on GoobNet Football this season. As you may have heard, I go to Galaxy matches and other footballing events over at the Depot fairly often. So this season we'll be sharing our experiences with you. Look for a GoobNet Football Report from every match I visit this season, starting with the Galaxy's home opener on SAT 09 APR 2005.

They show Donovan saying that he hopes to be remembered as someone who "helped this sport get to the next level". But we all know why he's really here in LA. His girlfriend is cracking the whip.

ESPN then shows us an aerial view of the halftime show, in which people are standing around in several lines. Could they be constructing a Chivas USA logo? Tricky, but possible.

Speaking of logos, three new ones in MLS this year. Chivas USA, which of course is just the CD Guadalajara logo with "Club Deportivo Guadalajara" replaced with "Club Deportivo Chivas USA".

Real Salt Lake, which depicts a crown [big surprise there] and the letters RSL.

And FC Dallas, who were once the Dallas Burn. Their logo is pretty good, a shield with a steer in it. A little too Houston Texans-y for my taste though. But their uniforms need to be discarded. White with red horizontal stripes? Shouldn't the league's fans be able to veto team's uniform decisions? I mean, we're the ones who have to play against them.

Meanwhile, we've just seen a commercial for The Game of Their Lives, the film about the US's 1-0 win over England at the 1950 Men's World Cup. Not to kill the buzz or anything, but remember that the US still didn't make it out of the first round anyway. Let's see a film about the US's win over Portugal at the 2002 Men's World Cup.

Chastain checks in with Vergara, who says that Chivas USA have been playing "really well". Nice try, but we're not buying it.

He's asked what he says to those who aren't so welcoming to Chivas USA's entry into MLS. He says, "Just wait for the results, and then they'll open their arms for us." Of course. Based upon today's performance, Chivas USA on your schedule means a free three points.

Second half's underway now. A great opportunity in the forty seventh minute, but the pass in the area is just behind the attacker. Otherwise a good, fast attack.

They cut to some people in the stands, one of whom has a Chivas de Guadalajara flag. Upside down.

Now Chivas have a corner, and it's "not a good one", according to Dellacamera. "It was awful," adds Wynalda.

Really, neither side has been very good at creating shot opportunities today. DC's goal was the lone exception. Chivas just had an opportunity, but every time the defenders closed in. But one of them conceded a free kick about twenty two yards out. Ramón Ramírez sends it just over the bar.

Here's how you can discern a Galaxy crowd from a Chivas crowd. [Besides looking at their shirt colours, I mean.] If DC are the opponents, wait for Adu to begin warming up. If you hear a lot of young voices squealing "Freddy!", it's a Galaxy crowd. Otherwise, it's a Chivas crowd. Just keep that in mind.

Chivas' attack has improved since the break. Their final passes are still off, but that seems to be more down to the DC defense. Teams that aren't as good in the back might not be able to redeem their three free points.

ESPN is having audio difficulties. Suarez, quite comically, puts his hands to his head as he sends a long ball off target, and Wynalda would probably have something to say about that. Meanwhile, Torres exits in the fifty eighth minute.

It's actually kind of serene watching the match with no audio like this. Until Mendoza sends a shot attempt blistering outside of Rimando's post. That gets the fans going, or at least it seems to. We still can't verify that they're actually making noise.

Audio is restored in the sixty first minute, though Dellacamera and Wynalda are echoing. Christian Gomez shoots just wide of the post, a slow roller that slid between the defender's legs.

There are five other matches on this opening day of MLS, to be followed by MLS Wrap over on the Fox Soccer Channel. It looks as though they've finally taken our advice and kept MLS Wrap to thirty minutes. Now we'll see if they take our other advice and actually send their announcers to the match venues rather than doing commentary from the studio. Don't hold your breath on that one, though.

Chivas are keeping DC on their toes. It's certainly looking like this match could go level the instant DC make a tiny mistake.

In the sixty eighth minute, Peter Nowak sends in Santino Quaranta in place of Guppy.

Meanwhile, it's nice of Dellacamera to let us know whose commercial will be on the split screen: "We thank Sierra Mist for bringing you this Side by Side so you won't miss a moment of action." Yeah. Thanks, Sierra Mist. Thanks a bunch. I'm gonna go buy some Sprite now.

Seriously, doesn't that just erase all the goodwill from the Adu v Pelé commercial?

Moreno is able to acquire a corner for DC. He got there with a nice little fake from side to side.

It's the seventy third minute, and Adu is entering for Eskandarian. Isaac Romo comes in on the Chivas side.

Can you believe this match isn't being broadcast in Spanish? Two of our local Spanish stations are airing Mexican football; another is airing Costa Rica's match against Trinidad-Tobago on tape delay.

Now a defensive blunder puts DC up two, Christian Gomez finishing in the seventy sixth minute. He fell to one knee under tight marking at the top of the box, but the defenders couldn't clear it out. He got up and flicked it past goalkeeper Brad Guzan, who was coming off his line into no man's land.

On the other end, Chivas have another shot attempt go over the bar.

So what are Chivas's away uniforms? The likely guess would be blue, but white is possible. All white, of course, is the Preferred Away Uniform of MLS.

DC have a quick counter, but the pass is right to the defender. Try lobbing it next time.

Christian Gomez exits, replaced by Clyde Simms. Dellacamera points out that Simms was one of the US's possible replacement players during the contract dispute in JAN 2005. Chastain, who wasn't ready for the handover, gets her act together to tell us that Arena told DC that Simms was too good not to make it into MLS.

So why do Chivas USA have the MLS Season 10 patch on their backs, right above their names? It looks like they've got plenty of room on the sleeves.

Chastain, who was ready this time, says Adu is still pretty fast despite having picked up fifteen pounds over the offseason.

Chivas just had their best look all day. Martins finds a loose ball in the area, with Rimando coming out to take it. Martins's shot is saved, with the rebound going right to Matt Taylor. And Taylor's open look has this result.

What is over the bar?

Correct.

Of the upcoming LA derby [three weeks from today], Wynalda says, "I haven't heard this much hype about a game in this league in a long, long time." True enough.

Of Chivas, Wynalda says, "They're going to have to get a lot better in a hurry."

The final whistle goes, and Chivas USA have begun on the wrong end of a 2-0 scoreline.

So, what did we learn from this introductory Chivas USA match?

Despite conceding the two goals, their defense looked pretty good. Where they failed was on the attacking side. Rimando was forced to make only two saves, and of their 13 shot attempts, 11 were off target.

Some feared that Chivas fans would overrun MLS and introduce footballing riots. No, that hasn't happened. The attendance was only 18,493 in a stadium that seats 27,000. They threw toilet paper when DC scored their second goal, which is probably a foreign concept to most MLS fans, but certainly gives the match a comical side.

Well, based upon today, San Jose should eagerly anticipate their match against Chivas USA next week.

We'll talk more next week about the Galaxy's home opener against another new club, Real Salt Lake. In the meantime, let's hope we get another pope who's as keen on football as Karol Wojtyla was.