WEEKLY WHINE

Jokes will not be provided in this format

As you know, nothing that happens in the world is relevant to you or anyone near you.

But if you want to waste your time learning about the rest of the world, the only place to go is the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network. Below you can see a number of stories that the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network is continuing to cover, even when you’re not watching it. That’s right, the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network continues to broadcast, regardless of whether anyone is watching it. Throw that fact in the face of anyone who claims that we’re lazy or irresponsible.

UNREST IN IRAN
Protests about failing to qualify for Men’s World Cup less popular

ON COURSE FOR LUNAR RECON
Mission to select landing sites for Richard Branson

TORONTO GARBAGE STRIKE
There’s no one to take öout our trash, eh

FLIGHT AF447 INVESTIGATION
No developments to report, at least no funny ones

THE INTERNET TALKS ABOUT IRAN
Follow Twitter tag #IranProtestersGoneWildXXX

KOREA DPR MISSILE WATCH
Kim Jong Un-believeable

CONFEDERATIONS CUP THEFT
Money, semifinal spot stolen from Egypt

WEEKEND BOX OFFICE RESULTS
Select No 1 film’s plot: shit blows up, men are assholes, Vin Diesel kicks ass, other