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AN ANAGRAM FOR “GOOBNET” IS “GO ON, BET”

WEEKLY WHINE

... 2010 | 2011 | 2012 | 2013 | 2014 | 2015 | 2016 | 2017 | 2018

ETHICAL STANDARDS OPTIONAL

“They wanted to know how groundbreaking this was, and they wanted to know what other fruits would capture the audience’s attention even more.” Realise that you really wanted to know all about passionfruits in Ethical Standards Optional.

Keywords: Support, SPLUT, Mathematics, Space, Science

THE FUTURE, AND WHY YOU SHOULD FEAR IT

“You can hide in your fear bunker and only read news that coincides with your preprogrammed worldview, but that has repeatedly been proven to make the future arrive suddenly without notice when you least expect it.” Watch the fakest fake news that ever faked the news in The Future, and Why You Should Fear It.

Keywords: Support, SPLUT

CALLING ALL PUNDITS

“The event featured speeches by the presidents of FIFA and of Russia, who are top contenders for the Corruption Cup.” Apply a sufficient quantity of palm grease in Calling All Pundits.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPLUT, Football, Men’s World Cup

ENHANCED SIMILARITY

“You don’t need to watch any highlights, or look at any photo galleries, or see any studio analysis that explains in detail how and why Mali held Morocco to a goalless draw when just four days earlier they had lost to the very same opponent 6-0.” Blame Prof Ogden Wernstrom for any Enhanced Similarity.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPLUT, Football, Men’s World Cup

THE LATEST ON THE EARLIEST

“Here at the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network, we believe that when you use your television to view live satellite programming, the live programming you would like to see broadcast from satellites using your television includes such exciting things as runs, hits, errors, sculls, spikes, and stick checks.” Send in a large number of loud complaints about the lack of pistes in The Latest on the Earliest.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPLUT

ALL SWEEPS ALL THE TIME

“You might ask whether this is legal.” You can go about your business and move along to All Sweeps All the Time.

Keywords: Support, SPLUT

LET US LOOK DOWN THE BALLOT

“And we dare you to find any evidence to the contrary.” Conclude that the correct answer is “all of it” in Let Us Look Down the Ballot.

Keywords: Politics, Support, SPLUT

THE LATEST ON THE ELECTIONS THAT MATTER

“That’s not a fly.” Watch out for snakes in The Latest on the Elections That Matter.

Keywords: Politics, Support, SPLUT

WE’VE GOT IT ALL ON EARTH

“Planets, as usual, have been all over the news recently.” Offer another hollow apology to 134340 Pluto in We’ve Got It All on Earth.

Keywords: Support, SPLUT

BOOTS SAVES THE DAY, AS PER USUAL

“My other uterus was vestigial or absent.” Witness the Vagina Monologues take a wrong turn into Boots Saves the Day, As Per Usual.

Keywords: Support, SPLUT

CANDIDATES TALK ABOUT CANDIDACY

“For sheer silliness, one must turn to the Republican and Democratic Parties.” Vote against everything the other guy stands for in Candidates Talk About Candidacy.

Keywords: Support, Politics, SPLUT

UNITED PASSIONS FOR MONEY

“You will no doubt recall our first special on the arrests, titled ‘Beneath the Sheets with Arrested FIFA Officials’.” Don’t get too close to José Maria Marin in United Passions for Money.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPLUT, Football, FIFA

FIFTY SHADES ARE BLACKED OUT

“To that we say: The rest of the world can go fuck itself.” Realise that EL James was getting ahead of herself in Fifty Shades Are Blacked Out.

Keywords: Support, SPLUT, Canada, Nunavut

BEES

“In fact, so many things are happening that our coffee machine is broken.” Discover why you should have stuck with the hot chocolate in Bees.

Keywords: Support, SPLUT

WAITING FOR THE BIG ONE

“Or is it the other way around?” Go about things wrong in Waiting for the Big One.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPLUT

JOIN US IN KEEPING FEAR ALIVE

“They are obviously doing something right, considering that their reach is much greater than ours.” Find out why our FuchsiaZone channel is not coming in clearly in Join Us in Keeping Fear Alive.

Keywords: Support, SPLUT

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