WEEKLY WHINE

The latest from Earth

There is a lot going on lately, and it is going to be impossible to continue to keep up with it all. You have many alternatives as to what to do as a result. You could run away from the world and become a hermit. Or, if the hermit life does not appeal to you, you could run away from the world, make a left turn in Oslo, and protest the awarding of the Nobel Peace Prize to Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, Leymah Gbowee, and Tawakkul Karman. Or, if you believe that they were worthy recipients, you could run away from the world, make a left turn in Oslo, dive into the North Sea, and protest oil drilling activities there. Or, if you believe that oil drilling is a worthwhile activity to pursue, you could run away from the world, make a left turn in Oslo, dive into the North Sea, emerge on the shores of North Carolina, and broker a historic peace agreement between Carolina and Duke. However, be aware that if you accomplish this, a number of would be hermits will protest the awarding of next year’s Nobel Peace Prize to you.

Or you could just turn on the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network and view our coverage of the following continuing stories.

MARS SCIENCE LABORATORY LIFTS OFF
Apparently this mission “grunted” harder

SCOTTISH DOUBLE JEOPARDY REFORM
Retrials to be permitted in cases of new evidence, second Daily Double

NEUTRINOS STILL SUPERLUMINAL?
Turns out they were just trying to escape Jersey Shore taping

US SHOPPING INSANITY
Rushing for a Kinect may disconnect your limbs

NBA LOCKOUT OVER?
Select key concession: 51.2% BRI, mid level exception, muted draft day hats, other

OCCUPY MOVEMENT AT A CROSSROADS
Most wealthy 1%, meet most disorganised 99%

EGYPTIAN REFORM AT A CROSSROADS
Most powerful 1%, meet most shouty 99%

ALBANIAN INDEPENDENCE DAY
1912 Albanian Revolt earns right to raise double headed eagles