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THE INVERSE OF ZAPP BRANNIGAN

WEEKLY WHINE

The matrices

There have been many exciting matches at the 2018 Men’s World Cup, featuring stunning goals, incredible saves, and astounding use of the video assistant referee.

So far, six teams – Belgium, Croatia, England, France, Russia, and Uruguay – have made sure of their places in the elimination phase. There are another eighteen who could join them there. But which ones?

Well, obviously, we here at GoobNet totally know the answer to that. We just don’t feel like telling you.

No. Absolutely not. Go away.

All right, fine. How about this: We’ll tell you which teams would advance under all possible combinations of results of the remaining matches.

GROUP A

Russia and Uruguay, having both won twice, are already confirmed as the teams who will advance. They play one another today to decide first place in the group.

  Saudi Arabia win KSA-EGY draw Egypt win
Uruguay win
  • URU first, RUS second
  • EGY, KSA out
URU-RUS draw
  • RUS first, URU second
  • EGY, KSA out
Russia win

GROUP B

Morocco have played some mighty attractive football so far, but they lost their first two matches and have no possibility of advancing. Regardless, they could still throw a spanner into the works by defeating Spain.

  Spain win ESP-MAR draw Morocco win
Iran win
  • ESP first, IRN second
  • POR, MAR out
  • IRN first, ESP second
  • POR, MAR out
  • IRN first
  • If IRN win by more goals than MAR: ESP second, POR out
  • If IRN, MAR win by same margin and IRN score more goals than MAR: POR second, ESP out
  • If IRN, MAR win by same scoreline: Second decided on disciplinary record between POR, ESP [currently ESP 1 yellow, POR 2 yellows]
  • If IRN, MAR win by same margin and MAR score more goals than IRN: ESP second, POR out
  • If MAR win by more goals than IRN: POR second, ESP out
  • MAR out
IRN-POR draw
  • ESP first, POR second
  • IRN, MAR out
  • If POR score more goals than ESP: POR first, ESP second
  • If POR, ESP draw by same scoreline: First decided on disciplinary record between POR, ESP [currently ESP 1 yellow, POR 2 yellows]
  • If ESP score more goals than POR: ESP first, POR second
  • IRN, MAR out
  • POR first
  • If MAR win by ≥2 goals: IRN second, ESP out
  • If MAR win by 1 goal and IRN score ≥4 more goals than ESP: IRN second, ESP out
  • If MAR win by 1 goal and IRN score ≤3 more goals than ESP: ESP second, IRN out
  • MAR out
Portugal win
  • If POR win by more goals than ESP: POR first, ESP second
  • If POR, ESP win by same margin and POR score more goals than ESP: POR first, ESP second
  • If POR, ESP win by same scoreline: First decided on disciplinary record between POR, ESP [currently ESP 1 yellow, POR 2 yellows]
  • If POR, ESP win by same margin and ESP score more goals than POR: ESP first, POR second
  • If ESP win by more goals than POR: ESP first, POR second
  • IRN, MAR out
  • POR first, ESP second
  • IRN, MAR out

GROUP C

Peru are out of the picture, and Australia are firmly in the margins of the picture. They will need to win their own match and get some help from France.

  Australia win AUS-PER draw Peru win
Denmark win
  • DEN first, FRA second
  • AUS, PER out
DEN-FRA draw
  • FRA first, DEN second
  • AUS, PER out
France win
  • FRA first
  • If either FRA or AUS win by ≥2 goals: AUS second, DEN out
  • If FRA, AUS both win by 1 goal and AUS score at least as many goals as FRA: AUS second, DEN out
  • If FRA, AUS both win by 1 goal and FRA score 1 more goal than AUS: Second decided on disciplinary record between AUS, DEN [currently AUS 3 yellows, DEN 4 yellows]
  • If FRA, AUS both win by 1 goal and FRA score ≥2 more goals than AUS: DEN second, AUS out
  • PER out
  • FRA first, DEN second
  • AUS, PER out

GROUP D

Argentina’s shocking loss to Croatia has heaped the pressure on the Albiceleste. Even an Argentina win may not be sufficient to get them into the elimination phase if Iceland defeat Croatia by multiple goals.

  Iceland win ISL-CRO draw Croatia win
Nigeria win
  • If total margin of victory by NGA, ISL is ≥6: NGA first, CRO second
  • If total margin of victory by NGA, ISL is 5 and NGA score ≥4 more goals than CRO: NGA first, CRO second
  • If total margin of victory by NGA, ISL is 5 and NGA score ≤3 more goals than CRO: CRO first, NGA second
  • If total margin of victory by NGA, ISL is ≤4: CRO first, NGA second
  • ARG, ISL out
  • CRO first, NGA second
  • ARG, ISL out
NGA-ARG draw
  • CRO first
  • If ISL win by ≥3 goals: ISL second, NGA out
  • If ISL win by 2 goals and ISL score ≥2 more goals than NGA: ISL second, NGA out
  • If ISL win by 2 goals and ISL score ≤1 more goal than NGA: NGA second, ISL out
  • If ISL win by 1 goal: NGA second, ISL out
  • ARG out
Argentina win
  • CRO first
  • If ISL win by at least as many goals as ARG: ISL second, ARG out
  • If ARG win by 1 more goal than ISL and ISL score more goals than ARG: ISL second, ARG out
  • If ARG win by 1 more goal than ISL and ARG, ISL score same number of goals: Second decided on disciplinary record between ARG, ISL [currently ISL 0 cards, ARG 3 yellows]
  • If ARG win by 1 more goal than ISL and ARG score more goals than ISL: ARG second, ISL out
  • If ARG win by ≥2 more goals than ISL: ARG second, ISL out
  • NGA out
  • CRO first, ARG second
  • ISL, NGA out

GROUP E

A draw against Serbia will be enough to put Brazil into the last sixteen. But if that match ends up level, and Costa Rica upset Switzerland, second place will be decided on goal difference between Serbia and Switzerland.

  Switzerland win SUI-CRC draw Costa Rica win
Serbia win
  • SUI first, SRB second
  • BRA, CRC out
  • SRB first, SUI second
  • BRA, CRC out
  • SRB first, BRA second
  • SUI, CRC out
SRB-BRA draw
  • SUI first, BRA second
  • CRC, SRB out
  • BRA first, SUI second
  • CRC, SRB out
  • BRA first
  • If CRC win by ≥2 goals: SRB second, SUI out
  • If CRC win by 1 goal and SRB score ≥2 more goals than SUI: SRB second, SUI out
  • If CRC win by 1 goal and SRB score ≤1 more goal than SUI: SUI second, SRB out
  • CRC out
Brazil win
  • If BRA win by at least as many goals as SUI: BRA first, SUI second
  • If SUI win by 1 more goal than BRA and BRA score more goals than SUI: BRA first, SUI second
  • If SUI win by 1 more goal than BRA and BRA, SUI score same number of goals: First decided on disciplinary record between BRA, SUI [currently BRA 3 yellows, SUI 4 yellows]
  • If SUI win by 1 more goal than BRA and SUI score more goals than BRA: SUI first, BRA second
  • If SUI win by ≥2 more goals than BRA: SUI first, BRA second
  • CRC, SRB out
  • BRA first, SUI second
  • CRC, SRB out

GROUP F

This is the most open group so far: nobody has been eliminated, and nobody has advanced yet. If Korea Rep defeat Germany and Mexico defeat Sweden, Korea Rep, Germany, and Sweden will all be on three points. If Germany defeat Korea Rep and Sweden defeat Mexico, Germany, Mexico, and Sweden will all be on six points.

  Mexico win MEX-SWE draw Sweden win
Korea Rep win
  • MEX first
  • If KOR win by ≥2 goals: KOR second, GER, SWE out
  • If KOR win by 1 goal and MEX win by ≥2 goals: KOR second, GER, SWE out
  • If KOR, MEX both win by 1 goal and KOR score ≥2 more goals than SWE: KOR second, GER, SWE out
  • If KOR, MEX both win by 1 goal and KOR score 1 more goal than SWE: GER second, KOR, SWE out
  • If KOR, MEX both win by 1 goal and SWE score at least as many goals as KOR: SWE second, GER, KOR out
  • MEX first, SWE second
  • GER, KOR out
  • SWE first, MEX second
  • GER, KOR out
KOR-GER draw
  • MEX first, GER second
  • KOR, SWE out
  • MEX first
  • If GER score at least as many goals as SWE: GER second, SWE out
  • If SWE score more goals than GER: SWE second, GER out
  • KOR out
Germany win
  • MEX first, GER second
  • KOR, SWE out
  • If SWE win by ≥2 goals and SWE win by more goals than GER: SWE first, GER second, MEX out
  • If SWE win by ≥2 goals; GER, SWE win by same margin; and GER score at least as many goals as SWE: GER first, SWE second, MEX out
  • If SWE win by ≥2 goals; GER, SWE win by same margin; and SWE score more goals than GER: SWE first, GER second, MEX out
  • If SWE win by ≥2 goals and GER win by more goals than SWE: GER first, SWE second, MEX out
  • If SWE win by 1 goal and GER win by ≥2 goals: GER first, SWE second, MEX out
  • If both SWE, GER win by 1 goal and GER score more goals than SWE: GER first, SWE second, MEX out
  • If both SWE, GER win 1-0: GER first, SWE second, MEX out
  • If both SWE, GER win by 1 goal with same scoreline and SWE score ≥2 goals: SWE first, MEX second, GER out
  • If both SWE, GER win by 1 goal and SWE score more goals than GER: SWE first, MEX second, GER out
  • KOR out

GROUP G

England and Belgium, having both won twice, are already confirmed as the teams who will advance. They play one another on Thursday to decide first place in the group.

  Panama win PAN-TUN draw Tunisia win
England win
  • ENG first, BEL second
  • PAN, TUN out
ENG-BEL draw
  • First decided on disciplinary record between ENG, BEL [currently ENG 2 yellows, BEL 3 yellows]
  • PAN, TUN out
Belgium win
  • BEL first, ENG second
  • PAN, TUN out

GROUP H

Poland are the only seeded team to have been eliminated so far. With Japan and Senegal each on four points, they each know that a draw in their respective match will be sufficient.

  Senegal win SEN-COL draw Colombia win
Japan win
  • If JPN win by more goals than SEN: JPN first, SEN second
  • If JPN, SEN win by same margin and JPN score more goals than SEN: JPN first, SEN second
  • If JPN, SEN win by same scoreline: First decided on disciplinary record between JPN, SEN [currently JPN 3 yellows, SEN 5 yellows]
  • If JPN, SEN win by same margin and SEN score more goals than JPN: SEN first, JPN second
  • If SEN win by more goals than JPN: SEN first, JPN second
  • COL, POL out
  • JPN first, SEN second
  • COL, POL out
  • JPN first, COL second
  • POL, SEN out
JPN-POL draw
  • SEN first, JPN second
  • COL, POL out
  • If JPN score more goals than SEN: JPN first, SEN second
  • If JPN, SEN draw by same scoreline: First decided on disciplinary record between JPN, SEN [currently JPN 3 yellows, SEN 5 yellows]
  • If SEN score more goals than JPN: SEN first, JPN second
  • COL, POL out
  • COL first, JPN second
  • POL, SEN out
Poland win
  • SEN first, JPN second
  • COL, POL out
  • SEN first, COL second
  • JPN, POL out
  • COL first
  • If COL win by more goals than POL: JPN second, SEN out
  • If COL, POL win by same margin and POL score more goals than COL: JPN second, SEN out
  • If COL, POL win by same scoreline: Second decided on disciplinary record between JPN, SEN [currently JPN 3 yellows, SEN 5 yellows]
  • If COL, POL win by same margin and COL score more goals than POL: SEN second, JPN out
  • If POL win by more goals than COL: SEN second, JPN out
  • POL out

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