WEEKLY WHINE

What must be done

The USA's dismal performance in the 1998 World Cup is obvious evidence that soccer as a whole in the United States is nowhere near what it should be. For this reason, the USA must improve its soccer skills significantly over the next four years to put a quality team on the pitch in Japan and South Korea in 2002. Whether you play for the national team, play for some other team, loudly encourage the national team, or don't have any direct connection with the national team or soccer at all, you can do your part to help US Soccer. According to our resident soccer experts here at GoobNet, here's how the United States can have a much better team in four years.

Invent the sportThe US invented baseball, basketball, American football, indoor lacrosse, beach volleyball, and snowboarding, and not coincidentally is the world's best nation at each. Thus, it is clear that being the nation that invented a sport is the easiest way to excel at that sport. Sadly, though, this is not an option for Americans. The best we can do is to encourage FIFA to get rid of the penalty shootout. In all of those other sports, ties are resolved by continuing to do the exact same thing. However, soccer misbehaves in this respect, so if we change it to something helpful to us, that could make us more successful.

Have more experience on the fieldBrazil, France, the Netherlands, and Croatia all reached the semifinals with loads of experienced players. In France 98, US coach Steve Sampson used a lineup that contained plenty of good players but few with experience. Sitting on the bench for much of the tournament were USA 94 veterans Tab Ramos, Alexi Lalas, and Roy Wegerle, and missing from the team entirely was John Harkes, the longtime US captain who was suddenly removed from the team for reasons that remain unclear. If the USA is to execute its plan to win the whole shooting match by 2010, it will have to rely on guys who know what to do and how to do it.

Have traditional uniformsAll four semifinalists have always worn pretty much the same uniforms: Brazil in yellow with blue shorts, France in blue, the Netherlands in orange, and Croatia in red checks. As for the USA, it can never decide. This time around the uniforms were white, while the reserve kits were red. In USA 94, they had those blue shirts with the big stars. It must be consistent if it will have any chance to do well in the future.

Get used to low scoringAmerican fans like big scores. Remember when the Cleveland Cavaliers played slowball and routinely won games by the score of 74-69? How many Cavs fans did you see near your house? Unless you actually live in Cleveland, probably not many. Americans like basketball precisely because all the scores are so high. This is also why arena football is becoming popular. However, since soccer teams rarely score more than four goals in a match, it is difficult for fans in the States to adjust to this type of play. They must simply realize that plenty of other stuff is going on in the match other than scoring, like all the tackles and fouls and fake injuries. That's my favorite part.

Bring musical instruments to the stadiumThe fans of all the great nations, like Brazil, the Netherlands, England, Argentina, and Croatia, all play music incessantly throughout the match, at least before their team falls behind. The best fans, though, continue even when their team is trailing. But when was the last time you saw such fans at the Super Bowl, the World Series, the NBA Finals, the Stanley Cup Finals, or whatever? You see them at MLS games, sure, but then, those are the real soccer fans that the US is sadly short on. So, it's obvious that the US national team needs more soccer fans and more music at its matches. In a related development, there must also be a catchy chant, often involving the country's name: Ar-gen-tina! or I-tal-ia! are common. Thus, the clear choice for the Americans would be U-S-A!, which is already in use sometimes, but needs much more support until it becomes all but second nature.

Perhaps by 2002 we can enforce as many of these options as possible. Like the proverbial cry of "Remember the Alamo!", the US national team could rally around the phrase, "Remember the Stade Gerland!"

That was the stadium in Lyon at which the USA lost 2-1 to Iran, which all but ensured the USA's finish in dead last.