WEEKLY WHINE
Let's dispel a myth today!
It has come to our attention that there are many commonly held myths. Some of these are harmless, but a few may someday have immense repercussions. Herewith, a summary of a few myths that we've selected along with ways they can be remedied. Your favorite myth is bound to be here somewhere.
| The Myth: | Voters in Palm Beach County, FL are angry about the ballot layout that supposedly led many of them to vote for the wrong presidential candidate or for two different candidates. |
| The Real Deal: | In reality, nobody cares about the way the ballot was arranged. The voters just didn't like the way the directions were in Pig Latin: "Ushpay otingvay unchpay ownday oughthray ethay olehay extnay otay arrowlay otay otevay." |
| The Myth: | The US Constitution originally did not provide for the direct election of Senators. |
| The Real Deal: | Well, this is true - sort of. A little known original draft of the Constitution [which only GoobNet Enterprises, Inc possesses] says that Senators were to be selected randomly, much like the military draft. However, people could be excused from service by demonstrating a significant level of common sense. |
| The Myth: | The average American family has 2.5 children. |
| The Real Deal: | Joseph and Elaine Average, of Worchester, MA, have only two children. Candace is eleven years old, and Kenneth is eight. |
| The Myth: | Al Gore invented the Internet. |
| The Real Deal: | Although Al Gore did help pass a bill that unified various government networks into what we now consider the Internet, he didn't invent it. It was really Tipper. |
| The Myth: | George W Bush invented the phrase "major league asshole". |
| The Real Deal: | He was discussing the Texas Rangers, whom he once owned, and mispronounced "Major League Baseball". |
| The Myth: | Ralph Nader ruined Al Gore's 2000 presidential campaign. |
| The Real Deal: | This is probably the most dangerous myth in common use today. The true culprit was that Al Gore has not received enough votes. Ralph Nader had no part. |
| The Myth: | Advances in computer technology will give everyone the chance to vote online in the 2004 election. |
| The Real Deal: | Security issues will not be satisfactorily addressed by that time. Instead, when you vote at a traditional polling place, you will receive a coupon for a free online vote when the system is finally up and running. |
| The Myth: | Football [pronounced "soccer"] is the world's most popular sport. |
| The Real Deal: | The world's most popular sport is actually laughing at Americans. Football is merely an excuse to participate in this sport. |
