WEEKLY WHINE

The life and times of Edvard

Edvard van de Kamp was always something of a maverick. After all, what kind of person continues to eat dynamite after his stomach explodes?

Several members of the GoobNet team were privileged enough to be at the scene on SAT 26 MAY 2001, when "Dynamite Eating" Edvard gave the last performance of his career. The vegetarian dinner in Bangalore, India was one of the smaller crowds he's played to, but that only made the evening that much more memorable.

After the crowd thinned, we had an opportunity to speak to the daring performer. "I didn't want anyone to make a fuss," Edvard says of his finale. "I just wanted to eat some dynamite, maybe talk to some of the people, and go home. But my parents convinced me to let them put together a highlight reel. They promised me it would be something little." An amused smile slides across his face. "Maybe I should have asked them to define 'little'."

That afternoon, we had caught up with Edvard's parents, Norman and Anita van de Kamp. "Edvard told us not to make a fuss, so we didn't," says Anita. "There was no breathless narration, you know, 'Where would society be today were it not for this young would-be museum curator?' Although it would have been funny."

Norman says, "Eventually we just got some of Edvard's friends to come to the dinner and tell their favourite stories about him. Like Patrick, the guy who started him off."

The ceremonies at last night's dinner began with Patrick Sooron, who told the eager crowd, "Good evening. I'm Patrick Sooron, the first guy who thought that eating dynamite would be a cool activity. For someone else." This got Sooron a laugh from the crowd, particularly from Edvard. The night then proceeded like a combination of a gala banquet, a Friar's Club roast, and a wild evening at an Amsterdam nightclub. Sooron, who acted as emcee, then introduced a series of guests.

Norman gave a reading from Edvard's training log in 1997. "Tuesday 4 November. Vision has been slightly blurred all day. Suspected cause: Up too late last night evaluating different types of explosives." Edvard himself, decked out in an orange Netherlands soccer jersey customised with the number -1, was amused and - dare we say - touched by the whole endeavor.

"Toward the end, I saw that just about everybody was there, save for one," Edvard said later. "There was this girl, Jaquelin, that I met in Paris two years ago. She was asking me all kinds of things about the composition of the dynamite, what I felt as I was eating it, and things like that. It turned out that she was a grad student in chemistry, and she wanted to do her PhD thesis about dynamite in the stomach. I mean, how often do people go up to you and say, 'I'm doing my thesis about you'? We kind of lost contact after that, but every once in a while I wondered about her research. Then all of a sudden, who shows up?"

The last special guest was none other than Jaquelin Démbli, born in Haiti but raised in northern France. Her first words upon appearing on stage were, "Hey Edvard, remember that one day when you said you'd never be able to satisfy me?" Pausing until the uproarious laughter died down, she then added, "I went to Milton like you told me, and he satisfied me." Edvard hung his head so rapidly he nearly got a faceful of rice from his dinner plate.

"Thankfully, my embarrassment was abated when she explained to the crowd that we were 'satisfying' her curiosity about the dynamite's composition. I told her Milton would know much more about the dynamite than would I. But that was still a very good jab."

Then, Sooron returned to the podium to say, "Let's now take a look at some of the highlights of Edvard's career." The room went dark, and the screen behind Sooron lit up with an image of Jaquelin unhooking her bra clasps. "Whoops, sorry. Wrong film," Sooron promptly, and almost believeably, announced. The film was stopped, and Démbli, wearing a mischeivous grin, leaned close to Edvard, saying, "Well, I thought that was the highlight of your career."

When the correct film began, we were treated to footage of his first performance in 1997 and his subsequent activities, set to a song we later learned was called "Hammer to the Heart". If you've heard this song, you probably remember the bit in the middle when Maya sings, "Boom boom!" At precisely that moment, of course, we saw the Explosion. Finally, as the film concluded, Sooron finally brought Edvard to the podium, amid a thunderous ovation.

"'Boom boom', eh?" joked Edvard. "Well, it's been a pleasure to come out here to Bangalore and be abused by some of my best friends. I mean, being abused at home is fun, but I would much rather have mistreatment heaped upon me in such a wonderful city as Bangalore. This has been a marvelous experience, meeting up with all of you - even Patrick. I'm very happy about everything."

Sooron then jumped up and remarked, "I think some of us are getting nervous. We'd better have Edvard eat some dynamite before we blow up."

This provoked further laughter, and another comment from Edvard: "So what, you'd rather have me blow up instead?" The audience roared its approval, and Edvard was promptly at it again. Before we knew it, he had consumed ten sticks of dynamite.

Always one for showmanship, Edvard then said, "Maybe I should stop." Murmurs of disappointment swept through the crowd. "Or maybe I should keep going." Waves of excitement swept through the crowd. Only once had Edvard eaten an eleventh stick, on THU 18 MAR 1999 in the Hague.

"Before I go on, I've got an announcement to make. Last week Jaquelin earned her PhD with a thesis about my stomach that was very well received. Let's hear it for Doctor Démbli!" As the fans showed their appreciation for the academic, Edvard showed his as well. "I eat this stick for you." With that, he methodically consumed the eleventh stick.

Edvard went on, "I also want to recognise my parents, who have done so much for me. Most other parents, say Patrick's, wouldn't have taken kindly to the thought of their kid eating explosives. But Norman and Anita took a rational approach and helped me minimise risk every step of the way. They've been indispensable in all of the business matters over the past few years, and I want to make sure that they're acknowledged here tonight. Mum, Dad, I eat this stick for you." The twelfth stick was, even more slowly, eaten.

"Well, we're just about at the end," - here he was interrupted by further disappointment from the peanut gallery - "no, this is nearly the end. I really want to honor all of the people who've come to see me do this silly thing over and over again, who have been so gracious as to help me raise so much money for charity, including 600,000 rupees tonight. So thank you for coming, thank you for giving me the chance to make a difference, however small, in your lives. I eat this stick for you." Pandemonium ensued as he gradually ate the thirteenth stick.

Sooron, finally succeeding in silencing the crowd, said, "Remember, there's still time to enter the pool on when Edvard will explode." We all laughed again, none louder than Edvard. That was the last stick of dynamite he'll eat in public, and indeed, he failed to explode.

After this extraordinary night came to a close, Edvard's impact on modern culture is probably best summed up by something Sooron said much earlier in the evening: "I think we can all say without hesitation that we would like our children to grow up like you, Edvard. Except for that bit about eating dynamite, of course."