WEEKLY WHINE

AlWatch

We are proud to introduce the newest form of Internet silliness: AlWatch. We will keep tabs on Al Gore so you don't have to.

Indeed, it's a good thing we didn't start doing this earlier. If AlWatch had been running since the start of George W "Why doesn't Wile E Coyote ever order from someone other than Acme?" Bush's presidency, it would have been pretty dull. But it has just started, and it's about to end too.

First item on the AlGenda: The facial hair. He has been growing his facial hair, and he looks pretty spiffy. But he should take care not to let it grow much longer, else he'll be mistaken for Bob Vila. "Today I'll show you how to build a voting machine that doesn't leave hanging chads, using only plywood, a two-by-four, and a sixteen ton weight."

Mr Gore made an appearance yesterday at Vanderbilt University in Nashville, TN. The event at which he appeared was a forum wherein cochairs Gore and Lamar Alexander helped young adults get more involved in politics. Alexander, a Republican former governor of Tennessee, also ran unsuccessfully for the US presidency. Gore and Alexander will each lead a group of their respective party members, hoping to shape them into the next generation of Donkeys and Elephants. "So, um, want to come to my place? I can show you my collection of 2002 budget proposals for each major executive department."

Al spoke to reporters for the first significant time since GWB moved into the White House, or as the memos called it for the first week, the "_hite House". He said he would involve himself in the 2002 elections, which shouldn't have surprised anyone but made news anyway. Some pundits thought he should have been criticising Bush Prime, but the more sensible ones recognised that doing so could be taken the wrong way. "He's screwing up the environment and acting completely irresponsibly, as though he didn't get a majority of the popular vote and doesn't belong in Washington. But hey, I'm not bitter."

During that time, Gore taught a class on journalism at Columbia University. I wonder if he offered any advice on how to spot lousy presidents. "Ineffective presidents usually have a few things in common. Their credentials are good but misleading. They come from states where capital punishment is frequent. Usually their positions are undermined by the conditions under which they were elected. More often than not they're also a relative of a previous president and seem to have used that status at every possible opportunity. But hey, I'm not bitter."

Perhaps he also had something to say about how to cover elections. "In the presidential election, the electoral votes are interesting, but the popular votes usually give you more of an idea what's really going on and what the people are really saying. So, the simple fact that someone wins on electoral votes doesn't necessarily make him or her the people's choice. But hey, I'm not bitter at all."

The last item on our AlGenda today is Al's future. Where will he go next? Will he return to Columbia and teach another class? Will he teach a class at Vanderbilt? Will he and Bill Clinton go and have a drink somewhere just like old times? Or will he do something that hasn't yet been invented? Only time will tell. But you can rest assured that as soon as time does tell, AlWatch will find out.