WEEKLY WHINE

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Recently, Andreas Werz interviewed famous Argentino footballer Diego Maradona for FIFA Magazine. Maradona says he wants to "give something back to football, after it gave so much to me". A noble sentiment, one that we here at GoobNet couldn't resist spoofing a bit. So in a spirit of cooperation and interaction, we'd now like to recognize the people, organizations, and things that have provided fodder for GoobNet commentators throughout the years. GoobNet Enterprises, Inc [which doesn't actually exist however] present the following:

To Al Gore, whom we Watched last week: A facial hair trimmer, so that he can avoid looking like another famous Al - Borland from Home Improvement. "I don't think so, Bill."

To Sepp Blatter, the president of FIFA: Arts of Power: Statecraft and Diplomacy by Charles W Freeman, Jr, so that he can avoid irritating Asia when they don't get enough World Cup places, and so that he can avoid irritating the Wollongong Wolves when the Club World Championship gets scrubbed, and so that he can avoid irritating Europe when the licensing company that FIFA works with goes under.

To Destiny's Child: Three Sixers jerseys, just in case they ever find themselves in Philadelphia again.

To Kenneth Starr, erstwhile Clinton investigator: The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli.

To Janet Reno, erstwhile Attorney General: The Princessa: Machiavelli for Women by Harriet Rubin.

To Juan Antonio Samaranch, outgoing president of the IOC: A bottle of vodka from Moscow, artwork from Sarajevo, a pair of Mickey Mouse ears from Disneyland in Los Angeles, hockey skates from Calgary, drums from Seoul, chocolates from Albertville, a bow and arrow from Barcelona, a Viking hat from Lillehammer, a bottle of Coke from Atlanta, a pagoda-shaped jigsaw puzzle from Nagano, an Opera House hat from Sydney, a motorcycle from Salt Lake City, a metope from Athens, and a shroud from Torino. Never mind - these were already given to him by "business acquaintances".

To Robert Siegel, editor in chief of The Onion: A ticket to San Diego Wild Animal Park, America's Finest Gnus Source.

To Bob Dole, former Senator: Whatever he wants, just as long as he never uses the phrase "my little blue friend" in public ever again.