WEEKLY WHINE

Interaction: Landslides in Cuba

Myers: Hello, and a warm welcome this evening from Havana, Cuba. This week on Interaction we'll be talking about the election of Cuba's National Assembly on SUN 19 JAN 2003, in which the 609 member assembly was up for election in one swell foop. The Communist Party swept the election, which may partly be because no candidates from any other party appeared on the ballot. Is this the way democracy should be, or the way democracy will never be? Or is it just an excuse for the government to be silly? I'm Debbie Myers. Joining me today are, first, the president of Cuban Voter Advocates, Mr Alejandro van Vigenas.

van Vigenas: Hi there.

Myers: Ms Motosi Cleta, vice chair of the Dissenters Network of Cuba.

Cleta: What up, yo.

Myers: The newly appoi- er, elected National Assemblyman in the 610th District, Mr Rafael Torres.

Torres: Good afternoon.

Myers: And Ms Lupita Laventana, the elections director of the Cuban Communist Party.

Laventana: ¡Hola!

Myers: Good to have you all with us today. We'll go to you first, Alejandro. What advantages did last weekend's election provide for voters?

van Vigenas: It's all convenient. In the past you actually had to look for your candidate's name on the ballot and put a little tick mark next to it. But now all you have to do is put a little tick mark in the box that says "Vote for all the Communists", and you're set! Isn't that great!

Myers: Certainly a victory for laziness there. Motosi, what disadvantages did last week's elections provide for voters?

Cleta: Man, it was full of disadvantages. Look, every good election should leave you feeling that your vote made a difference. But in this election, the only way I could make a difference was by not voting. I mean, what is this, Iraq?

Myers: That's something to think about. Rafael, how did you feel about your recent appointme- er, election?

Torres: I felt happy. It proves that democracy works.

Myers: Definitely an important observation. Lupita, how did you feel about the election?

Laventana: Well, I just felt so... um... entusiasmada?

Myers: Enthusiastic?

Laventana: Yeah, whatever. It felt so good.

Myers: I see. Let's discuss some of the details of this election. The 609 Communist candidates were all app- er, elected in a vote that saw a turnout of 97%. The winning National Assembly members serve five year terms. The Assembly convenes every six months or so and serves to pass the laws proposed by the Council of State. Rafael, how do you respond to allegations that the National Assembly exists only to put a big rubber stamp on President Fidel Castro's whims?

Torres: I respond by putting my thumb to my nose, waving my fingers about, and sticking out my tongue. [puts thumb to nose, waves fingers about, and sticks out tongue]

Myers: Well, Motosi, how do you respond to this?

Cleta: Man, that just isn't cool. How can anyone be down with something this wack? If I'm taking the trouble to go out of my house and cast a ballot, I expect for it to mean something.

Myers: And how do you respond to this, Alejandro?

van Vigenas: A vote in this election did mean something. It meant you care enough to say yes to the work that President Castro and the Communist Party are doing. It meant you think communism is the way to go.

Myers: Well, armed with these pieces of information, we'd now like to invite you around the world to send in your questions. The ways by which you can do so are now appearing on your screen, and they'll go away in five... four... three... tw- hey! Put those back! [pause] Thank you. Two... one... and they're gone. [pause] Hey! Take those away! Thank you. Well, our first question today is from Alexander in Roseau, Dominica. Alexander, are you there?

Alexander in Roseau: Hi. Thanks for taking my call.

Myers: Welcome to the programme. What is your question?

Alexander in Roseau: I really like Interaction.

Myers: Good for you. What is your question?

Alexander in Roseau: I think you do a great show, Debbie.

Myers: That's nice. What's your question?

Alexander in Roseau: I especially like the way you dismiss callers who take too long before they tell you their question, the silly things that-

Myers: Yes, well, I'm sure that if you called into Larry King Live or some other programme, they'd let you ramble on like that. Lupita, Alexander wanted to know why no other parties were represented on the ballot.

Laventana: There aren't any other registered parties in Cuba. Everybody has so much... miedo?

Myers: Fear?

Laventana: Yeah, whatever. They know that if they try to take us on, they'll be losers.

Myers: And yet, there remains a small but vocal dissident movement in Cuba, represented by people such as Motosi. How would you explain the lack of opposition parties?

Cleta: Dude, there's plenty of opposition parties. The Dissenters Network, of which I'm a member. The Association for Making Cuban Politics Non-Stupid, the Cuban Capitalists' Club, and plenty of other groups exist. They just won't let us run for the Assembly. They're just being totally non-phat about it.

Myers: Rafael, what is your response?

Torres: My response is to do the 97% of People Voted for Me Dance. [stands up and dances about]

Myers: Well, with that out of the way, let's move on to our next question, which comes to us by facsimile from Cassie in Bangui, Central African Republic. She asks whether the election was nothing more than an ego trip by President Castro to prove the nation's alleged love for him. Alejandro, what motivated the nations' legions of voters?

van Vigenas: We love democracy, we love socialism, we love the Communist Party, and we love Castro. That's why we had the magic "Vote for all the Communists" box on the ballot.

Myers: So, would it be fair to say that people were really voting for Castro, rather than their own representatives?

van Vigenas: Of course. Castro is everybody's representative.

Cleta: What are you talking about, fool? He ain't my representative. Look, that's exactly the problem right there! If he's everybody's representative, what the hell do we need this guy and his 608 friends for? [points at Rafael]

Myers: And how would you respond to that, Rafael?

Torres: I would respond by saying that we exist to rewrite Castro's proposed measures to put in more legal words and phrases like quid pro quo and indictment. Then I would crawl under my chair and make "oogy oogy" noises. [crawls under chair and makes "oogy oogy" noises]

Myers: Yes, obviously. We have one more question, and it's an E-mail from Lizzy in Knoxville, TN, USA. She wants to know what measures are being taken to make future elections in Cuba more democratic. Lupita?

Laventana: It's hard to imagine making the elections more democratic, but we're doing it. For example, at this election you had to actually go to the polls and check the box. But we're working on a new automatic voting scheme where you don't actually have to do anything at all. We'll automatically cast your ballot for all the Communist candidates for you.

Myers: That will undoubtedly ease the process of appoin- er, electing the country's leaders.

Laventana: And it's more... seguro?

Myers: Safe?

Laventana: Yeah, whatever.

Myers: Well, before we find out for whom it's safer, we'll have to leave you. Thanks go to Ms Lupita Laventana, Mr Rafael Torres, Ms Motosi Cleta, and Mr Alejandro van Vigenas for joining us this week. Next week we'll travel to Tokyo to find out how science will best serve humanity in the next few decades, and we'll be joined by a particle physicist, a bioengineering technician, someone who's afraid of science, and a coauthor of a book about Lake Okeechobee. Good night.

Cleta: Yo, you're just protecting an arbitrarily selected ruling class that has no right to exist.

Torres: And I would respond to that by making a sock puppet who sings "One Hundred Bottles of Beer" in Spanish. [takes off sock, puts hand in it] Cien botellas de cerveza en la pared, cien botellas de cerveza...