WEEKLY WHINE

First of the mohicans

Is everybody running away from MLS now, or what?

So far this year, three big names are leaving MLS for more prestigious footballing leagues. Carlos Bocanegra and Brian McBride are both on their way to Fulham in England, whereas Clint Mathis will join Hannover 96 of Germany.

Want to take a moment to review these guys' careers so far?

Well? Do you?

That's good, because we were going to do it anyway.

CARLOS BOCANEGRA

Age: 24

Achievements: Lamar Hunt US Open Cup [2000, 2003]; MLS Rookie of the Year [2000]; MLS All-Star [2002, 2003] MLS Defender of the Year [2002, 2003]

Favourite key: Left Shift

Favourite hat: LA Dodgers

Favourite Matrix character: "Morpheus, man. He always knows what to do."

Footballing career in 102 words: Carlos played four seasons with the Chicago Fire. In total, he started 85 matches and scored five goals along with eight assists. With the US men, he's collected 20 caps and scored four goals. He plays an uncomplicated style of football, the kind that mostly involves kicking the ball and tackling opponents. His time away from the pitch is occupied by running up to people in the street, waving his hand in front of the person's face, and then running away again. He expects little problems adapting to life in London, having seen both Fawlty Towers and 101 Dalmatians.

Biggest unsolved question: "I wanna know if there was ever liquid water on Mars."

BRIAN MCBRIDE

Age: 31

Achievements: Lamar Hunt US Open Cup [2002]; MLS All-Star [1996-2002]; Columbus Crew all-time leading goalscorer [62]

Favourite key: Tab

Favourite hat: St Louis University

Favourite Matrix character: "Ummm, Trinity, I guess. With the flying kicks and stuff."

Footballing career in 102 words: Brian was the first guy ever drafted in MLS, going to the Columbus Crew. He started 180 matches and scored 62 goals along with 45 assists, making him the team's all time scoring leader. He is also a key member of the US side, having earned 67 caps so far. Amongst his twenty goals - fourth all time amongst US players - are three at World Cups, one of which was scored with the foot, long a challenge for him. His last stint in England, a three month loan at Everton, began famously with three goals in his first two matches, dude.

Biggest unsolved question: "Why can't we just play football in midair? I'd prefer it like that."

CLINT MATHIS

Age: 27

Achievements: MLS All-Star [2000-2003]; MLS Goal of the Year [2001]

Favourite key: Number pad Enter

Favourite hat: Hates headgear

Favourite Matrix character: "Monica Bellucci's character. What was her name? Aphrodite?"

Footballing career in 102 words: Clint became a popular figure throughout the league as he started 66 matches for the MetroStars, collecting 33 goals and 21 assists. His 87 points are second in club history, behind Giovanni Savarese's 94 points. He showed up at Korea/Japan 2002 with a mohawk and scored his first World Cup goal against the Korea Republic in a 1-1 draw. Upon his return to the US, promotions followed, including a Clint Mathis Mohawk Challenge in Dallas, where the first hundred Burn fans to get their locks shorn Mathis style got in free - and met Clint himself after the match.

Biggest unsolved question: "Does the Pope wear boxers or briefs?"