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Schmilblick Patrol

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WEEKLY WHINE

Schmilblick Patrol: Samba Faal

Edvard: Hello! Hi everyone! Welcome, one and all! Welcome to GoobNet's Adventures of the Schmilblick Patrol! We've got a great guest here today, so would you please welcome today's participant. He's a former Gambian footballer and basketballer, he's got a masters in political science from Roosevelt University in Chicago, IL, USA, and as mayor of Banjul, Gambia, he presided over the World Conference of Mayors in 2001. Folks, would you please welcome the Gambia's secretary of state for youth and sports, Mr Samba Faal.

Samba: Hi Edvard. It's a pleasure.

Edvard: Samba, welcome to the show. Ready to meet the patrollers?

Samba: I am.

Edvard: Okay then. From Leicester, England, UK, Helen.

Helen: Hi Edvard.

Edvard: From Smithfield, TX, USA, Tammy.

Tammy: Hi there.

Edvard: And from St Petersburg, FL, USA, here's Glenn.

Glenn: Hi.

Edvard: Welcome to all of you. So Samba, what is your Schmilblick tonight?

Samba: My Schmilblick is: Why I convened a committee to examine the performance of the Gambia's team at the FIFA Under 17 World Championships.

Edvard: Okay, that seems like a good challenge. Why you convened a committee to examine the performance of the Gambia's U-17 team. If our patrollers can get your Schmilblick, they'll win Gambia jerseys signed by your underperforming players. But if they can't figure out your Schmilblick in eighteen questions, you're going to win a Smithfield Tigers jersey signed by Tammy's underperforming players. So good luck to everyone. Patrollers, are you ready?

Helen: Ready.

Glenn: Yeah!

Tammy: I'm ready!

Edvard: Samba, are you ready?

Samba: I am ready.

Edvard: All right, let's go on patrol! Helen, you're up first.

Helen: All right. Hi Samba.

Samba: Hi Helen.

Helen: Samba, did you think the team should have done better?

Samba: Yes, I did.

Edvard: Okay. Seems pretty clear given the fact that you started that committee, but whatever. That's one down, seventeen to go. Tammy?

Tammy: Hi Samba.

Samba: Hi Tammy.

Tammy: Did you fly in today?

Samba: No, yesterday.

Edvard: Okay. That's two down, sixteen to go. And bef–

Tammy: Hey! I didn't get to ask my question!

Edvard: Yes you did. You asked "Did you fly in today". So –

Tammy: That wasn't my question!

Edvard: What do you mean that wasn't your question?

Tammy: That's not what I was going to ask him!

Edvard: Did you expect a response?

Tammy: What?

Edvard: Did you expect a response?!

Tammy: Of course.

Edvard: Well then, it's a question, isn't it?

Tammy: But...

Edvard: But what? You were just making conversation or something?

Tammy: Well, yeah... so...

Edvard: Well let me set something straight with you, okay? You ask a question around here, it's asked! Okay? No do overs, no timeouts, no second chances! You gotta think first, before you open your mouth, okay? [pause] Okay?

Tammy: [timidly] Okay.

Edvard: All right then. Well, before we hear our third question, let's meet our patrollers. Glenn, hi.

Glenn: Umm... hi.

Edvard: And what do you do?

Glenn: I'm a... um... bowling alley manager.

Edvard: So do people ever leave things behind in the shoes?

Glenn: Well... sometimes.

Edvard: Like, for example, spaghetti strands?

Glenn: Well... yeah... once.

Edvard: And what did you do?

Glenn: I... um... I planted it.

Edvard: To see if a spaghetti tree would grow?

Glenn: Um... yeah.

Edvard: And did it?

Glenn: No. I... um... I found out later that spaghetti doesn't grow on trees.

Edvard: Okay, great. Let's have your first question.

Glenn: All right. Samba... did you fire the coach after the tournament?

Samba: No, I don't have the authority to do that.

Edvard: Okay. Well, that's three down, fifteen to go. Helen, hi.

Helen: Hi Edvard.

Edvard: What do you do there in Leicester?

Helen: I'm a student.

Edvard: What do you study?

Helen: Speech therapy.

Edvard: Good. And I understand you're also a world class paper cutter.

Helen: Well, I did place fourth at the World Construction Paper Cutting Championships this spring.

Edvard: Fascinating. Well, how about another question.

Helen: All right. Samba, before the tournament started, did you expect the team to exit in the first round?

Samba: No, I didn't.

Edvard: Really?

Samba: Really.

Edvard: Okay. Well, that's four down, fourteen to go. Tammy, hi.

Tammy: Hi Edvard.

Edvard: You're a high school football coach in Smithfield?

Tammy: Soccer, actually.

Edvard: Look, around here, the terms are synonymous.

Tammy: Well, not in Texas.

Edvard: Are we in Texas?

Tammy: [timidly] Well... no.

Edvard: Well, there you go. And I understand you also like guessing other people's fetishes.

Tammy: What? Who told you that?

Edvard: You did. Before the show.

Tammy: I didn't think you'd tell everybody!

Edvard: You have something wrong with that?

Tammy: [submissively] No.

Edvard: Okay. What do you want to ask next?

Tammy: Okay, let me think. Ummm... did you win more games at the tournament than you expected?

Samba: No, we didn't.

Edvard: All right. Well, that should shed a little light on it for you guys. But it's five down, thirteen to go as we go to you, Glenn.

Glenn: Samba, do you often do things like this?

Samba: No. Not often.

Edvard: Okay. Six down, twelve to go. And we're back around to you, Helen.

Helen: All right. Samba, did you expect the team to win the tournament?

Samba: Yes, I did.

Edvard: You did? Really?

Samba: Yes. Why not the Gambia?

Edvard: Well, it was your first time at any FIFA tournament. You were in a challenging group with Brazil, the Netherlands, and Qatar. You had a smaller budget than many of the other teams there. You can stop me any time, by the way. Seriously, though, that's seven down, eleven down. Tammy?

Tammy: Samba, did you feel that your team was the best in the world during the Brazil match only to be disappointed with the way they played in the other matches?

Samba: Yes, I did.

Edvard: But that's not your Schmilblick.

Samba: No, it isn't.

Edvard: Okay, well, that's eight down, ten to go. Glenn, over to you.

Glenn: Did you form the committee at the suggestion of your mother?

Samba: Yes. And that's my Schmilblick.

Edvard: It is?

Samba: Yes. My mother called to complain about how we could win two matches but not get to the next round. She was yelling about why I never form committees to look into these things. I guess finally I caved.

Edvard: All right, great. Well, in only nine queries, our patrollers were able to guess your Schmilblick. So congratulations to you folks. You'll win jerseys signed by the Gambian players. And we'll see you next time here on GoobNet's Adventures of the Schmilblick Patrol. I'm Edvard van de Kamp, wishing you good tidings and better Schmilblicks. Good night everyone!

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