WEEKLY WHINE

Gimmie, gimmie, gimmie

Angola defeated Rwanda 1-0 yesterday to reach the 2006 Men's World Cup, the first in their history. Team captain Fabrice Akwa scored the all important goal, instantly elevating him to hero's status in the central African nation. Here now a rundown of the many gifts that famous Angolans will be sending him.

President of Angola, José Eduardo dos Santos, is reportedly very proud of Fabrice and will send him a car, a new suit, and a gumball machine. Fabrice will visit the presidential tailor next week and says he will be honoured to wear the suit around Germany next summer.

Bonga Kwenda, the famous Angolan musician, has just sent Fabrice an autographed picture. But when it reaches Fabrice this week, he'll be surprised to see that it's actually an autographed picture of LeVar Burton. Bonga, who apparently failed to notice, at least spelled Fabrice's name correctly. Fabrice won't mind the mixup, though Bonga will still send him a gumball machine to make it up to him.

Fabrice will also be receiving a gold plated football from Nigel Solição of Lubango. Nigel watched the decisive match from his shop in downtown Lubango. Nigel's specialty is plating precious metals onto everyday items. Last week he plated silver onto a bicycle pump. He thought about sending that to Fabrice until he realised that you can't use bicycle pumps, plated or not, to pump up a football.

Another gift coming Fabrice's way is a bowtie from Robin Olagossá in Cabinda. Robin didn't watch the match, but her son, Avion, did. Avion never wears bowties, despite frequent suggestions from Robin. But Robin now appears to be coming to terms with Avion's bowtie refusal and has decided to send Fabrice a bowtie that she had given Avion last year, along with a gumball machine that the family doesn't use.

A former prime minister of Angola, Marcolino Moco, is going to send Fabrice a lifetime supply of Angolan stamps. One of the prize elements in this collection is the famous Inverted Print of 1983, the stamp on which the picture of a gumball machine was printed upside down. This stamp has an estimated value of US$125.

Jemma Ronsalves of Funchal, Madeira Islands, Portugal is an Angolan expatriate who watched the win over Rwanda in a neighbour's house. Her neighbour, Rosalind Webo, is a Nigerian expatriate; the two made a friendly wager prior to the day's matches about which of their nations would win Group 4. Jemma would have had to buy Rosalind a pink propellor beanie had Nigeria qualified, but with Angola qualifying instead, Rosalind has to buy Jemma a gumball machine. Jemma has since decided to send it on to Fabrice as a gift.

And on WED 12 OCT 2005, Fabrice will call Nigel of Lubango, asking for a quote on plating gumball machines in gold.