WEEKLY WHINE

The de-Huh?-ification of the world

If you are planning to Huh? at some time, the only thing we can say is Fuh?. Or perhaps Fuh Q.

To Huh? is to admit to the world that you have no argument. It is the last recourse of lazy writers – particularly sports writers.

Take Adam Hoffstetter. [Please!] Several days ago, he wrote about curling, stating that it should not be an Olympic sport. Fine. Nothing wrong with that. Your opinion is worthy. It just doesn't seem to have any logical basis, based upon what you wrote. The argument appeared to centre around the fact that the stones move slowly in curling. Okay, well, putted golf balls move slowly too.

Then, discussing its stint as a demonstration sport at the Winter Olympics, Hofstetter wrote, "So they held exhibitions in 1988 and 1992 and, while the rest of the world reacted with a collective 'Huh?', the members of IOC thought to themselves, 'Bitchin'!'"

Well, no. Canada routinely sees high ratings for curling broadcasts, and many European countries have made curling their own. It may not be a major sport that you see every week, but if the Winter Olympics were for major sports that you see every week, there would be no speed skating, cross country skiing, ski jumping, or bobsledding. So we clearly see that the world did not give a collective Huh?.

On to football, where Grant Wahl also resorted to Huh?ing in a reference to football in India. Well, India may have accomplished very little in the global footballing scene, and they may be best known for withdrawing from the 1950 World Cup in Brazil after being told that playing barefoot would not be permitted, but Baichung Bhutia and other Indian players have played in European leagues, and Indian clubs have performed respectably in the AFC Champions League.

If you permit yourself to Huh? India today, it is roughly equivalent to Huh?ing China PR eight years ago or Trinidad and Tobago four years ago. China PR, of course, were the second worst team at Korea/Japan 2002, and T-T could finish in a similar position, but are you really going to be the one to doubt any of these three?

Knowing sportswriters, the answer is probably yes, but we've accepted that logic is optional for sportswriters.

And we'll leave you with one more, that of another Sports Illustrated writer, Don Banks. In his column of random notes about American football, Banks writes, "At least that's the easy assumption upon hearing that Terrell Owens will soon have his own TV show, a reality series based on his life and built around a theme of celebrity fitness (huh?)."

Even this case, which appears to be a clearcut case of appropriate Huh?ing, is another copout. Just think about it. Who knows more about working out in front of cameras than Terrell Owens? John Basedow, perhaps. Actually, there's an idea.

"Hi, and welcome to the GoobNet Workout! I'm Terrell Owens, and this is my friend, John Basedow. You know, John, making stupid complaints about pointless things may seem easy, but in reality it requires a complete training regimen, and in fact, it can be dangerous for those who haven't trained properly."

"That's right, Terrell. Today we're going to show you some methods that you can use to ensure that you'll be swearing, bitching, and whining for years to come."