Schmilblick Patrol: Lindsey Jacobellis

Edvard: Hello! Hi there! Hey, welcome to GoobNet's Adventures of the Schmilblick Patrol, where our guests put their Schmilblicks on the line for fame, fortune, and fantastic prizes! And now we're going to meet our participant tonight. She's a twenty year old snowboarder from Stratton, VT, USA who's back from Torino, Italy with a silver medal in the women's snowboard cross. Please welcome, from the US Olympic snowboarding team, Ms Lindsey Jacobellis.

Lindsey: Hey Edvard.

Edvard: Welcome to the show, Lindsey. Want to meet the patrollers?

Lindsey: I'm ready.

Edvard: Okay. We've got Shannon from Grand Falls, BC, Canada.

Shannon: Hi Edvard.

Edvard: Greta from Annapolis, MD, USA.

Greta: Hello.

Edvard: And Fuzzy from Jefferson City, MO, USA.

Fuzzy: What's up.

Edvard: Welcome to all three of you. An all female show tonight. Looks like it'll be good. So Lindsey, what's your Schmilblick tonight?

Lindsey: My Schmilblick is: What I was thinking when I did that method during the final of the snowboard cross.

Edvard: What you were thinking when you did the method during the snowboard cross final. The one just before you fell?

Lindsey: Yeah. That one.

Edvard: All right. Well, if our patrollers can guess your Schmilblick tonight, Lindsey, they'll win a trip to next year's Winter X Games in Aspen, CO, USA to see you in action. But if you can keep them from identifying your Schmilblick in eighteen questions, you'll win a trip to Missouri to see Fuzzy in action at next year's Winter X Games qualifiers. So, good luck to everybody. Patrollers, are you ready?

Fuzzy: Yeah.

Greta: Ready.

Shannon: Yeah!

Edvard: Lindsey, are you ready?

Lindsey: Ready.

Edvard: Okay, let's go on patrol! Shannon, you have the first question.

Shannon: Hi Lindsey.

Lindsey: Hey Shannon.

Shannon: Lindsey, are you usually a showoff?

Lindsey: Not really. No more than any other snowboarder.

Edvard: All right. That's one down, seventeen to go. Greta, over to you.

Greta: Lindsey, have you crashed like that at the end of a race before?

Lindsey: A couple of times, yeah. Not in a while though.

Edvard: Not a new experience for you?

Lindsey: Nope.

Edvard: So that's two down, sixteen to go. And before we have Fuzzy's first question, let's spend a bit of time getting to know our patrollers. Fuzzy, hi.

Fuzzy: Hey Edvard.

Edvard: Your name. Explain.

Fuzzy: Well, Edvard, my real name is Felicia. But I have a sister, and when she was young, she couldn't say my name. She could only say "Fuzzy Sha". And the name stuck.

Edvard: Great. And you're a snowboarder yourself.

Fuzzy: I am. Like you said, I'm going to try to qualify for the Winter X Games next year.

Edvard: Well, good luck to you. In the meantime, what are you going to ask Lindsey?

Fuzzy: Oh my god. There are so many things I want to ask you, but later! But I'm gonna ask, were you thinking Wheeeeee!?

Lindsey: No, I wasn't.

Edvard: Wheeeeee!?

Fuzzy: That's what I would have been thinking if I was leading the Olympic SBX.

Edvard: All right. But it's not what you were thinking, Lindsey?

Lindsey: Nope. Not a bad guess though, Fuzzy.

Fuzzy: Wow! Thanks, Lindsey!

Edvard: So anyway, three down, fifteen to go. Shannon, hi.

Shannon: Hi Edvard.

Edvard: What do you do up there in British Columbia?

Shannon: I'm a student at UBC. I'm studying criminal psychology.

Edvard: And what is the psychology of an average criminal?

Shannon: Usually something along the lines of "I'll surely get away with this!".

Edvard: Really? That was easy. Don't see why you need a degree for that. Anyway, Shannon, how about a question.

Shannon: Sure. Lindsey, could you tell how far ahead you were?

Lindsey: Not really. I looked back real quick and I didn't see Tanja, so I figured I must have had a little bit of a lead.

Edvard: But you didn't know how far back she was.

Lindsey: No, I didn't.

Edvard: Okay, so that's four down, fourteen to go. Greta, hi.

Greta: Hello Edvard.

Edvard: You're originally from Djurgården, Sweden.

Greta: Right.

Edvard: And you've been in this country for how long?

Greta: Twenty five years. Been a US citizen for fourteen.

Edvard: And it says here you enjoy card games.

Greta: Very much so. I organise a card club in Annapolis, where we play a different card game every week. We have played over two hundred different games.

Edvard: And what's your favourite out of all these?

Greta: I like Bullshit. I've gotten very good at figuring out when our fellow members are lying.

Edvard: Sounds great. Well, Greta, let's have your question.

Greta: Sure. Lindsey, I heard someone say that you ruined the US's domination of snowboarding. Do you think that's true?

Lindsey: No, of course not. We won seven medals. We had three golds, even without me. We definitely dominated.

Edvard: All right, so that's five down, thirteen to go. And we go back down to you, Fuzzy.

Fuzzy: Okay. Lindsey, were you thinking about doing some more methods after that?

Lindsey: I was thinking about crossing the finish line backward, but that's about it.

Edvard: Crossing the finish line backward.

Lindsey: Sure. Why not?

Edvard: It just sounds like it would look stupid, is all. So that's six down, twelve to go. Back around to you, Shannon.

Shannon: Lindsey, do you often do tricks like that at the end of a race?

Lindsey: Not often, but I might if it's a big race and I'm far ahead.

Edvard: All right. Seven down, eleven to go. Greta, what will you ask?

Greta: Lindsey, would you be offended if someone did a stunt like that when they were ahead of you?

Lindsey: Of course not. It's part of the sport. Anybody who takes offence at things like that doesn't really get the point of snowboarding.

Edvard: So eight down and ten to go. Fuzzy, let's have your next question.

Fuzzy: Lindsey, were you thinking Eat it, Tanja?

Lindsey: Actually, no, I wasn't. But that's a pretty good guess, too.

Fuzzy: Wow! Thanks, Lindsey!

Edvard: So Lindsey wasn't suggesting that Tanja ingest some sort of comestible substance. Regardless, we're at nine down, nine to go. We're halfway through this evening's game, and we're still quite far from identifying Lindsey's Schmilblick, which tonight is what she was thinking when she did the trick that caused her to crash during the final of the women's snowboard cross at the 2006 Olympic Winter Games. And we'll go now to Shannon for your next question to Lindsey.

Shannon: Lindsey, do you think the crowd would have liked that trick if it had worked?

Lindsey: Of course. Definitely. They would have loved it.

Edvard: But it didn't work. On the bright side, if it had worked, you wouldn't be here on our programme.

Lindsey: That's right. See? There's a big upside.

Edvard: I'd agree with that. In any case, we're now at ten down, eight to go as we go on over to you, Greta.

Greta: So did you crash just to get on this show?

Edvard: Well, there's an unusual question. Lindsey, did you crash with the sole intent of making it onto Schmilblick Patrol?

Lindsey: No. That would be pretty weak.

Edvard: Well, people have tried stranger things to get on this programme. Just ask Bernie Ecclestone. That will make it eleven down, seven to go. Fuzzy?

Fuzzy: Lindsey, were you thinking Does my board still feel the same?

Edvard: That's interesting. Were you checking on the tactile properties of your board?

Lindsey: No, that wasn't what I was thinking. That was a pretty good guess, too.

Fuzzy: Wow! Thanks, Lindsey!

Edvard: Okay, so that's twelve down, six to go. Only a couple more chances for each of our patrollers. Shannon, we now go back to you. Make it a good question.

Shannon: Okay. Did you want to do something that would immediately be rerun in all of your commercials so that you'd get lots of money?

Edvard: Well, that's interesting. Did you have an eye on the bottom line, Lindsey?

Lindsey: Actually, yeah, I did.

Edvard: But that's not your Schmilblick.

Lindsey: No, it isn't.

Edvard: All right. Well, that's thirteen down, five to go. Greta, you're up.

Greta: Okay. Lindsey, were you thinking about where the television cameras were?

Lindsey: No.

Edvard: You weren't?

Lindsey: Nope.

Edvard: You're sure?

Lindsey: I'm sure, Edvard.

Edvard: All right. Well, that's fourteen down, four to go. We're moving closer to the end, Fuzzy. Can you get us closer to the solution?

Fuzzy: I can try. Lindsey, were you thinking One more piece of flair?

Lindsey: Yes, I was. And that's my Schmilblick.

Edvard: It is?

Lindsey: Yes. I was supposed to have fifteen pieces of flair. That was going to be my fifteenth.

Edvard: You needed fifteen?

Lindsey: Yeah. See, fifteen is the minimum. And some people like to have more than the minimum, and they encourage that. But I crashed, so I didn't get my fifteenth.

Edvard: What were your first fourteen?

Lindsey: Waving during the opening ceremony, dancing during the opening ceremony, waving during qualifying, jumping during qualifying, jumping during the quarterfinals, noseing during the quarterfinals, tasting some snow after the quarterfinals, waving after the quarterfinals, waving before the semifinals, jumping during the semifinals, noseing during the semifinals, dancing after the semifinals, waving before the final, and waving during the final.

Edvard: But you're here on this programme now, so that's your fifteenth piece of flair.

Lindsey: Yeah, you're right! I did get my fifteen pieces of flair after all! Good job, Fuzzy!

Fuzzy: Wow! Thanks, Lindsey!

Edvard: Well, our patrollers managed to figure out Lindsey's Schmilblick, and that means they're headed for the Winter X Games next year. Congratulations to our patrollers, and thank you all for being here. This is Edvard van de Kamp, wishing you good tidings and better Schmilblicks. Good night all!