GoobNet, of course, is here to help you with any situation that may arise in your life. But what happens when a problem arises at GoobNet? The answer may surprise you.
The answer is: Problems never arise at GoobNet. They just appear suddenly without any warning and shock us all. That’s why I’m announcing the following changes at GoobNet Enterprises Inc [which doesn’t actually exist however], effective immediately.
We are currently seeking a new editor for porthole.goobnet.net. If you think you have what it takes to make insensitive remarks about all the silly and stupid things that are on the web, please let us know at <email@example.com>.
From this moment forward, the GoobNet Silly Bonus is worth 8,192 GoobNet Silly Bucks rather than 4,096. The qualifying procedure for the Silly Bonus is also changing. Previously, one qualified for the Silly Bonus by finding six consecutive Laugh Marks. The new procedure is as follows:
Once qualified, the method for earning the GoobNet Silly Bonus remains unchanged.
From this moment forward, GoobNet Whine Tasting is discontinued. We thank all those who have participated in the past but regret that participation was not as high as we had hoped.
From this moment forward, one of the many factual errors here on GoobNet has been designated the Super Factual Error. The first reader to find it will win 65,536 GoobNet Silly Bucks.
GoobNet Hyperspeed Dating will resume in JUL 2008. Our popular feature in which a newly created couple can win an exciting GoobNet prize package and many other gifts for the newly partnered is returning with an all new set of participants. This time, you will have the opportunity to submit your favourite pairings. More information about the new season of GoobNet Hyperspeed Dating will be presented at a later date.
From this moment forward, if you witness vomitation of someone who is reading GoobNet, we want to know! Send your images to us here at GoobNet, along with a description of the circumstances. If your contribution helps us improve the Vomitometer, you could win up to 16,384 GoobNet Silly Bucks!
From this moment forward, you can play a new, exciting bonus game called the GoobNet Empty Round! The rules are simple. If you have earned no GoobNet Silly Bucks and have never found any special space on GoobNet, you are automatically qualified for the Empty Round, which proceeds as follows.
The Empty Round is worth 16,384 GoobNet Silly Bucks on the first win and increases by that amount on each successive win.
Once again, thank you for participating here at GoobNet. Please let me know at <firstname.lastname@example.org> if you know of any other ways that we could improve your GoobNet experience.
PLEASE SEND ALL PUTRID FILTH TO <GOOBNET@GOOBNET.NET>
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