Ready, set, pander

Sen Obama: The pristine beauty of the Alaskan wilderness is near and dear to all Americans’ hearts, and with a responsible energy plan, we will be able to ensure energy independence for our children while still keeping Alaska free from drilling and oil profiteering.

Sen McCain: Drilling for oil anywhere you want will create thousands of jobs for you, the Alaskan people, and it may also mean that the Bridge to Nowhere will actually go somewhere after all.

Sen McCain: I vote for you in the Senate, so vote for me in November.

Sen Obama: Are you sure the air conditioning is working? It still feels pretty hot in here.

Sen McCain: They always say this is a blue state, but California has voted Republican before, with Ronald Reagan and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Sen Obama: Here in California, I know you only vote for Republicans if they’re actors. So I challenge Sen McCain to act as though he really cares about the concerns of ordinary, hard working Californians.

Sen Obama: I vote for you in the Senate, so vote for me in November.

Sen McCain: Yes, I’m wearing a White Sox hat today. Yes, I know I was wearing a Cubs hat yesterday.

Sen McCain: The people of the Gulf Coast have been through a great deal over the last three years. If elected, I pledge to help create jobs throughout the region by allowing the construction of very large casinos.

Sen Obama: The people of the Gulf Coast have been through a great deal over the last three years. If elected, I pledge to stop disaster profiteers from constructing very large casinos on top of the wreckage of your homes that you still haven’t been able to repair.

Sen McCain: I pledge to help keep Montana’s sky big, by drilling for oil.

Sen Obama: This state may be overlooked frequently, but I pledge to make Montana the most important state in the union. Out of the ones that start with M. And end in A. And have ONTAN in between.

Sen Obama: I urge you to go to the polls this November, because this time, your votes won’t just count half.

Sen McCain: Please, read the ballot correctly this time.

Sen Obama: I’m in favour of gay marriage.

Sen McCain: I was for gay marriage before I was against it.

Sen McCain: Illegal performance enhancing drugs are of prime concern to me. Our young people need positive role models to emulate.

Sen Obama: I encourage all of you to help our nation toward energy independence by taking the subway more, like I did today. But you don’t have to fill the rest of the subway car with reporters and Secret Service agents, like I did today.

Sen McCain: I challenge Sen Obama to come here to Texas and tell you the same thing he said in Massachusetts: that he supports gay marriage.

Sen Obama: Yes, I know I said I’m in favour of gay marriage when I was in Massachusetts. I was kind of hoping you guys weren’t listening. I mean, I was kind of hoping y’all weren’t listening.

Sen McCain: Don’t you just love to grow tobacco?

Sen Obama: Isn’t NASCAR great?

Sen McCain: I hope we can all find some common ground, such as, for instance, the fact that the Los Angeles Lakers suck.

Sen Obama: I hope we can all find some common ground, such as, for instance, the fact that the Colorado Rapids suck.