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WEEKLY WHINE

Scottish kit relief

As you know, getting sports teams to wear reasonable clothing is a challenge. For more than ten years, the Philadelphia 76ers had great difficulty recognising that a team called the “Philadelphia 76ers” should wear red, white, and blue. West Ham United are currently in the midst of one of their occasional “no sky blue sleeves” phases. The Toronto Blue Jays have never worn the correct uniforms, particularly today, when there is no blue to be found.

So the GoobNet Special Projects Enhancement and Enforcement Division [SPEED] is constantly looking for places where uniforms can be changed, regardless of whether anyone has asked. This week, our team happened to see the few matches in the Scottish First Division that actually could take place. They then decided that the SFL’s kits should be updated. Here now are their recommendations for the thirty clubs currently in the SFL. Note that all of these will certainly be ignored, except that a link to this page will be posted on a few of the clubs’ message boards for their supporters to laugh at.

SCOTTISH FIRST DIVISION

Airdrie United

Airdrie Utd have an interesting history, having been formed when Clydebank FC were sold to new ownership and moved to Airdrie. The new club replaced Airdrieonians, which had gone bankrupt after over one hundred years in the town. Therefore, since the red chevron on the current kits pays homage to Airdrieonians, who are we to complain about it? We will, however, complain about the red shorts and recommend white instead.

Ayr United

In their centenary season, Ayr are wearing horizontal stripes for the first time in forty years. It’s not working. Back to white, please, and maybe we’ll allow you black sleeve stripes. The red and blue change kits do look pretty good, though.

Dundee

The blue vertical stripe on the away kits is out of place, particularly with the blue stripe on the same sleeve. Get rid of one or the other, and change the home kit to match.

Dunfermline Athletic

We approve of the recent decision to return to black penstripes. [Note: We are coining the term penstripes to refer to stripes that are thicker than pinstripes but thinner than equal width stripes. For another example, see the Houston Rockets’ uniforms of the late 1990s and early 2000s.] The red away kit is good, but the black half panels on the sides should be eliminated or extended all the way to the sleeves.

Greenock Morton

Suitable as is, though we read with interest the story of their red away kits having to be junked because they faded in the wash.

Inverness Caledonian Thistle

Another interesting club, Caley Thistle were founded in 1994 through a merging of Inverness Thistle [red and black] and Caledonian [blue and white]. Hence, the club’s colours have since been red and blue. We recommend, though, that the current kits be shelved and replaced with a blue kit with red sleeves at home, and an all white kit away.

Partick Thistle

The home uniform is fine, fitting in with the club’s traditional appearance. The away uniform, of course, is a preposterous pink and black adventure that should not be allowed in the presence of children. Is there really anything wrong with a black or white away kit?

Queen of the South

Suitable as is, though the club may wish to consider a white away outfit.

Raith Rovers

Suitable as is. This is another club that wears blue at home and red on the road.

Ross County

The kits are the same colours as Raith Rovers, but in Adidas patterns rather than Puma. The club would do well to come up with something notable, such as the white horizontal stripe that has been worn briefly in recent years.

SCOTTISH SECOND DIVISION

Alloa Athletic

The home uniform is acceptable as is, but the second uniform should not use the diagonal arcs.

Arbroath

Arbroath are one of several clubs that were given permission to change uniforms a couple of months ago due to difficulties with the manufacturer. It was a shame, because the kits that would have been worn this year had an intriguing diagonal stripe. The club should reintroduce the stripe as soon as possible to see if it catches on.

Brechin City

Brechin City also had a new uniform with a diagonal stripe, and Brechin City had to change uniforms. The replacements are acceptable as is, though this club might also want to reconsider the diagonal stripe.

Clyde

Suitable as is. The away kit, with black with red penstripes, is a good choice.

Cowdenbeath

Suitable as is. One may well wonder what the club is doing with a yellow and green change kit, until one finds out that the club is known locally as the “Blue Brazil”.

Dumbarton

Suitable as is. The new alternate uniform, white with a gold and black diagonal stripe, is worth considering for away uniform status.

East Fife

East Fife have the same colours as Dumbarton and Alloa but distinguish themselves with vertical stripes, which creates a clean, easily recognisable look. The new red away uniform is better than the green and white one used last year.

Peterhead

Though it may have worked for the San Jose Earthquakes, black shorts with blue jerseys are not useful for Peterhead. The club should revert to all blue at home, and the away uniform should be something in white or gold rather than navy blue.

Stenhousemuir

Suitable as is. The kits, new for this year, include a slightly darker colour tone on the sleeves, which seems to be working well.

Stirling Albion

Suitable as is. Some may be complaining that the all blue away kit is too dull, but the correct response to that would be: “Shut up.”

SCOTTISH THIRD DIVISION

Albion Rovers

The Wee Rovers have been through a lot lately in the uniform department. A commemorative blue and gold kit was worn in their 125th season in 2007-8 before returning to their better known red and gold for a year. This, however, was immediately replaced with red and black for this season. The club should immediately return to last year’s uniforms. We may possibly allow them to wear black away kits.

Annan Athletic

Suitable as is. This is just one of the many Scottish clubs that wears some combination of gold, red, and black.

Berwick Rangers

Suitable as is. Interestingly, according to the Historical Football Kits site, the team’s supporters wanted an away uniform in red and black, but the league vetoed that decision. The red and black jersey is instead being used as a third uniform, which is a much better approach.

East Stirlingshire

The team has greatly improved in recent years, as have its kits. The current choice of all black at home, all white change, and all red third is a good set, and a welcome move away from the stripes that are so popular amongst their rivals.

Elgin City

See? If East Stirlingshire had not moved away from black and white stripes, they would be wearing the same kits as Elgin. That means we will allow Elgin City to continue wearing their own stripes.

Forfar Athletic

Forfar also had to change kits midseason due to supplier’s difficulties. The current home kit is acceptable, but the away kit should change to white with maroon trim rather than maroon with blue trim.

Livingston

Last offseason, Livingston went into administration for the second time in five years. That sent them into the Third Division. The current kits are a good choice; whilst the team has oscillated between black and gold jerseys, the gold ones are generally superior.

Montrose

Suitable as is. The current blue home kit with white stripes on the sleeves is an improvement over that of the last two years, with shaded blue halves.

Queen’s Park

Suitable as is. A rare example of a club that has worn the same style – black and white horizontal stripes – for more than a hundred years.

Stranraer

Suitable as is. The white sleeves are new this year, and the club should consider keeping them for the long term.

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