WEEKLY WHINE

Self loathing

Over this past week, sports have been played. But what is more fun than sports being played? Sports being talked about.

Yes, there are frequent sports programmes on the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network, and on these many sports programmes on the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network, you can view programming that is transmitted to your television live via satellite, all having to do with various sports.

So when you watch the sports programmes on the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network, you will likely be reminded of a crowded sports bar, in which thirty percent of people are watching game A and cheering for one of the teams involved, twenty percent are watching game B and cheering for one of the teams involved, twelve percent are watching game C and cheering for one of the teams involved, thirty one percent are watching any of games D through K and cheering for one of the teams involved, and the remaining seven percent are feigning interest in any of games A through K and pretending to cheer for one of the teams involved in hopes of hooking up with that one really hot fan of one of the teams involved in one of games A through K, the one who has been keeping up a really interesting conversation about breakfast foods and the local establishments that serve the best ones of each type, a conversation that has been interrupted every couple of minutes or faster with either a cheer of excitement or a groan of disappointment, and that member of the remaining seven percent has been nodding in agreement with the conversation, all whilst trying to react to that one of the teams involved in one of games A through K in the correct manner so that the one really hot member of the other ninety three percent won’t notice that anything is amiss and will totally go back to the home of that member of the remaining seven percent after that one of games A through K is over, but not to the home of that one really hot member of the other ninety three percent, because that member of the remaining seven percent is completely sure that the home of that one really hot member of the other ninety three percent is covered with posters and pictures of that team involved in that one of games A through K, and that member of the remaining seven percent is also completely sure that all those distractions are going to be completely irritating and will cause a loss of focus at the critical moment, thereby completely ending that member of the remaining seven percent’s chances with that one really hot member of the other ninety three percent, leaving that member of the remaining seven percent to rue the decision to go to the home of that one really hot member of the other ninety three percent rather than to host that one really hot member of the other ninety three percent and risk being found out as something less than a total freakish committed fan of that team involved in that one of games A through K.

And when you do watch the sports programmes on the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network, these are the continuing stories that will be covered.

KANSAS OUT
Jayhawks lose Self control

LOS ANGELES MARATHON
But did Korir jump in the Pacific?

MLS LABOUR AGREEMENT
Philadelphia Union, start your aircraft!

UEFA REFEREE CONTROVERSY
Blues want same treatment as Bleus

GERMAN GOALKEEPER PUZZLE
Could Lehmann unretire? Or will Löw Wiese up?

TIGER SPEAKS OUT
“I made mistakes. In particular, marriage”

MARCH MADNESS
Sorry, sir. The house limit is three bracket do-overs

NFL OVERTIME DEBATE
Select rule change: first to six points, first to eight points, first to hit scoreboard with punt, other