WEEKLY WHINE

The second beckons

Everything that happens in the world happens for a reason.

Except, of course, for the recent panic in Georgia over a news programme that speculated about another Russian invasion.

Other than that, though, it is important to understand cause and effect. If you want to know what is happening in the world and why it is happening, you should connect your television set to a cable or satellite provider that carries television stations that will provide that information to you.

As an alternative, you could also connect your television set to a cable or satellite provider that carries the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network. When you watch the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network, you will learn things that are vastly different from the things that you would learn if you were watching BBC World, France 24, the CBC, CNN, or any other news network. Below are some of the continuing stories that are currently being followed by the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network; note that none of these are being followed by any of the aforementioned news services, though some are being followed by adverts for low budget game shows.

IRAQ ELECTION
State of Law coalition ahead of State of Play, State of Union, State of Confusion

CONSTELLATION CANCELLED
Last 20 years: change mind six times or actually land seven times?

US BANK REGULATION BILL
Spring forward? Dodd proposes falling back to 1933

FALCON 9 PREPARATIONS
Who needs versions 2-8?

2010 OSCARS
Il Divo makeup artists ripped off

GLOBAL ATHEIST CONVENTION
Resolved: Problem of evil is awesome

MLS LABOUR NEGOTIATIONS
Strike upside: free agency. Strike downside: league bankrupt

COREY HAIM: 1971-2010
Lost boy earns license to drive to a time to live