WEEKLY WHINE

We too avoid Heat’s hotel

The latest news in the world of sport is being talked about as though there is nothing else happening in the world of sport. Whether this is fair or not is not for us to decide.

What is for us to decide is the words that you are using to talk about the latest news in the world of sport. The GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network continues to broadcast programmes relating to all manner of news, even sport. We cover all that is happening in all of the important sports, with the exception of basketball. You know what you did, basketball. We’re still going to cover you, but we’re not going to totally indulge you the way we used to, no matter how much you keep begging for our attention. That silly thing that LeBron James said the other day was kind of interesting, but we have to say, it came across as kind of pathetic. Seriously, basketball. You’re better than that.

SHOCKER IN SEATTLE
Lynch to Porter: “Dude, you have no tackle“

FIFA ETHICS CRISIS
Select scandal: 2018 Men’s World Cup host, 2022 Men’s World Cup host, Puskás Award, other

JETS ADVANCE ON LAST SECOND WINNER
In playoffs, never bet against Mark Whatshisface

COLLEGIATE CHAMPIONSHIP
GoobNet’s prediction: Oregon defeat Auburn 109-97

FA CUP THIRD ROUND
Stevenage roll with punches, defeat Newcastle

CHIEFS CRUSHED AT HOME
Kansas City now with more postseason losses than Tom Brady’s razor blade

BECKHAM TO TRAIN IN ENGLAND
That’s “train” as in “practise” – he’d never be caught dead on National Rail

COLUMBUS SALUTES TEXAS CHRISTIAN
Little Sisters of Poor qualify for WTF Bowl