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WEEKLY WHINE

Slippery when awesome

As you know, this year, various things took place. We here at GoobNet are constantly striving to find ways to make sure that awesome things happen and sucky things don’t happen. We were not completely successful, as the stalling and filibustering of the Zadroga act proved. But in the end, the act passed, and some good things did happen in 2010. Here now is our annual review of the things that happened this year.

Note: It is currently not 2010. We would like to emphasise that.

GOOBNET 2010 REVIEW COMMITTEE MEMBERS

Capt Chesley A “Sully” Sullenberger Award for the Most Awesome Achievement

Jon STEWART and Stephen COLBERT, United States

Amber Lynn says: The Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear was a huge success, drawing more than 200,000 visitors and a variety of silly signs to the Mall in Washington, DC, USA. It also spawned satellite rallies throughout the world, including one at Mt Everest’s Base Camp. It was, to borrow Stephen’s description, insane and/or scary.

Best Event

Return of Futurama, United States

Amber Lynn says: Futurama is back! Yaaay! And it’s in high definition! Yaaay! And it had instant classic episodes like “The Late Philip J Fry” and “The Mutants Are Revolting”! Yaaay! And it’s making me say “Yaaay!” all the time! Yaaay!

Worst Event

Death of Nodar KUMARITASHVILI, Vancouver, BC, Canada

Gaby says: Even before the Winter Olympics began, the Whistler Sliding Centre was known as the world’s fastest track, and many also considered it the most dangerous. On the day of the opening ceremony, Georgian luger Kumaritashvili crashed on a training run and later died of his injuries. The competition proceeded with a shortened track and additional safety walls, but competitors have been raising questions about track speeds continually. Australian luger Hannah Campbell-Pegg told the BBC: “To what extent are we just little lemmings that they just throw down a track and we’re crash test dummies?”

Silliest Event

Failed cauldron leg, Winter Olympics, Vancouver, BC, Canada

Amber Lynn says: This certainly qualified as a silly event: at the opening ceremony of Vancouver 2010, the four cauldron legs were to be lit simultaneously by Catriona Le May Doan, Steve Nash, Nancy Greene, and Wayne Gretzky. But only three of the legs deployed, and Le May Doan was therefore the odd one out. The locals, being Canadians, made a reference to it at the closing ceremony, in which Le May Doan finally got the chance to light the cauldron. An honourable mention goes to Sven Kramer and his coach, Gerard Kemkers. Kramer completed the men’s 10,000 m speed skate in a new Olympic record time only to be disqualified because Kemkers sent him into the wrong lane.

Best Grouping of Sports Teams

Group D, 2010 Men’s World Cup

Edvard says: This was far and away the best group, top to bottom, at the Men’s World Cup. Even Australia, who lost by four goals in their first match, nearly advanced to the second round, only missing out on goal difference.

Worst Grouping of Sports Teams

NFC West, NFL

Deb says: The season ends with no teams in this division above .500, which is embarrassingly awesome.

Amber Lynn says: I’m gonna start a band called Embarrassingly Awesome.

Natural Disaster of the Year

Earthquakes, Earth

Gaby says: Within the first four months of the year, three major earthquakes occurred, in Haiti, Chile, and China PR. The total death toll from these was more than two hundred thousand, and the effects are still continuing in all locations, as the recent outbreak of cholera in Haiti demonstrates. Honourable mention goes to volcanoes, with Eyjafjallajökull disrupting air traffic throughout Europe and Mt Merapi forcing evacuations in much of Indonesia.

Artificial Disaster of the Year

Deepwater Horizon oil spill, United States

Gaby says: This was one of the biggest fuckups ever. British Petroleum already had a dismal safety record at other sites, and Transocean, which owned the Deepwater Horizon rig, was ranked last amongst deep water drillers in job quality in the two years prior to the disaster, and employees reportedly believed that they could not report unsafe conditions without reprisal. Naturally, Transocean and BP spent months following the disaster blaming one another.

Chris Farley Memorial ‘Lah-Dee-Freakin-Dah’ Award for Excellence in Irrelevance

Brett FAVRE, United States

Gaby says: So is he still playing? Or is he doing time for sending those creepy pictures?

Worst Footballing Blunder

Koman COULIBALY, Mali

Edvard says: Coulibaly was the referee for the 2010 Men’s World Cup match between Slovenia and the United States. His performance was atrocious, culminating in a disallow of the US’s winning goal for no reason whatsoever. Coulibaly was, unsurprisingly, not assigned to any other matches in the tournament.

Tweet of the Year

Stevie JOHNSON, United States

Amber Lynn says: Stevie Johnson, a receiver for the Buffalo Bills of the NFL, dropped a pass and then posted on Twitter: “I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! THX THO...”. This prompted SportsPickle to hilariously report God’s response.

Bob Barker Award for Game Show Spectacularity

The Million Pound Drop, United Kingdom

Deb says: The Million Pound Drop is fairly simple. Players are given one million pounds, and all they have to do is keep it. The money is placed on choices for each question, and money on incorrect choices drops out of the game. It has rapidly become required viewing. Honourable mention goes to the return of 1 vs 100 in the United States and to Only Connect in the United Kingdom, which upped the ante this year by changing the puzzle identifiers from Greek letters to Egyptian hieroglyphs.

Most Shocking Game Show Moment

Secily WILSON, Family Feud, United States

Deb says: “We asked one hundred men: Name a part of your body that’s bigger now than it was when you were sixteen.” I thought of something normal [the stomach], but contestants on Family Feud aren’t always normal. From this moment forward, this award is to be known as the Steve Harvey “I Don’t Care What You Said!” Award for the Most Shocking Game Show Moment.

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