WEEKLY WHINE

It’s a collective bargain!

As you know, the Universe is a strange place. And it’s about to get even stranger. Will Libyan protesters force Gaddafi out of office? Will Iranian protesters force Ahmadinejad out of office? Will Wisconsinite protesters force whoever the hell is the governor of Wisconsin out of office? Nobody knows, but you can still prepare yourself for the future with some of GoobNet’s Misfortune Cookies. Look for them at a Chinese restaurant near you. Note that they are not yet available in Chinese restaurants located in or near the Universe.

• TODAY IS A GOOD DAY TO IMITATE MAUREEN CHO
• LOOK BEHIND YOU
• AN ADVENTUROUS DECISION WILL BE REWARDED. NOT YOUR DECISION NECESSARILY, BUT SOMEONE’S
• TWITTER IS TOO BIG TO FAIL WHALE
• YOUR OPINION MATTERS
• THAT GUY OVER IN THE CORNER GIVES ME THE CREEPS. DOESN’T HE GIVE YOU THE CREEPS?
• YOU ARE BLESSED WITH THE EXTRAORDINARY GIFT OF IDENTIFYING WHICH TIES WILL LOOK SILLY ON YOU
• EACH MORNING IS A NEW OPPORTUNITY TO FUCK THINGS UP AGAIN
• YOUR MEMORY IS NOT WHAT IT ONCE WAS
• HELLO RANDY_DUDE_69 C1AL1S 60% OFF
• OPPORTUNITIES AWAIT
• MILK IS GETTING AWFULLY EXPENSIVE
• AVOID CHRISTMAS AT ALL COSTS. THIS IS DAVID TENNANT, SPEAKING FOR AUDIO FORTUNE COOKIES
• YOUR MEMORY IS NOT WHAT IT ONCE WAS. OR IS THAT MY MEMORY?
• SOMEONE IN THIS RESTAURANT WANTS YOU
• ADD SOME BIODIVERSITY TO YOUR LIFE. EAT ENDANGERED CHICKEN