WEEKLY WHINE

Things are currently not all that pleasant

There have been several tragic events over the past weekend. Norway suffered a bombing and a gun attack that have together killed nearly a hundred people. A collision of two high speed trains in China PR has killed at least 35 people. Singer Amy Winehouse was found dead in her home in London at the age of 27.

Our ever popular television news service, the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network, continues to cover these events, so please turn there for the latest on those. However, it does mean that it has regretfully had to reduce coverage of some other major news events. Below please find the other major news events for which the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network has chosen to reduce coverage. You will also find exclusive Internet only features about each of these stories on our Twitter account: @goobnet­satellite­programming­live­using­television­is­totally­awesome­and­you­should­watch­it­all­of­the­time­to­find­out­what­is­going­on­in­the­world­wait­how­many­characters­are­we­limited­to. So enjoy those exclusive Internet only features. If you cannot find those exclusive Internet only features, simply complain to your service provider about their policy of blocking exclusive Internet only features from GoobNet sites, which must clearly be the only possible explanation as to why you cannot find those exclusive Internet only features.

COMPLETION OF STS-135
Atlantis completes last mission before museum visitors say: ‘That thing flew in space?!’

EVIDENCE OF HIGGS BOSON
Tevatron confirms LHC finding after leaving out plate of Higgs boson food

PROTESTS IN YEMEN
Saleh agrees to reform Yemeni Idol voting process

MARS SURFACE LABORATORY SELECTS LANDING SITE
Gale Crater location will be future site of Wong Ranch

WORLD HEPATITIS DAY
Before hepatitis C, only thing connecting Pamela Anderson, Gregg Allman, Allen Ginsberg was funny pants

NEWS OF THE WORLD TELEPHONE HACKING SCANDAL
Found to have hacked into GoobNet’s voice mail and discovered that Reg Goober doesn’t understand voice mail

EVANS WINS TOUR DE FRANCE
Samuel Sanchez wins polka dot jersey, burns it

2014 WORLD CUP QUALIFYING DRAW
All together now: ‘But we just finished the last World Cup!’