What’s your element?

When it comes to reacting with other substances, are you an electron donor or receiver? Do you remain nonreactive, or do you make awesome sparks when your pure form is dumped in water? Answer these ten questions to determine which chemical element you are.

1. Your friend says, “Dude, you see that oxygen atom over there? What would you do to her?” You answer:

“That’s awesome. I wouldn’t mind forming an ester or two, if you know what I mean.”

“Oh, I would totally get with her. Know any good hydrogen atoms who could join us?”

“Yeah, whatever. I’m watching the Isotopes game.”

2. When you are heated in a flame, you:

Worsen the greenhouse effect.

Emit two bright yellow D lines.

Give off a large number of photons at a wavelength unobserved on Earth until 1868.

3. The best way to make more of you is by:

Forming a star and letting it burn for a few billion years.

Dumping organic matter below Earth’s continental crust.

The Deville process.

4. When you type, your text is always:

Aligned to the left column.

Aligned to the right column.

Right in the middle, at least until a couple of rows later when the page is widened.

5. When you are a liquid, you have been known to:

Help cool nuclear reactors.

Conduct heat better than any other substance known to humans.

Don’t worry about it. You never get hot enough to actually transition to a liquid state.

6. If you received a million US dollars to be given to any charity, you would select:

War Child.

The US Astronaut Hall of Fame.

The International Centre for Diarrhoeal Disease.

7. When you and a great deal of your friends get together, you form:

A sparse, colourless gas.

A soft, shiny metal.

Any of several different things, depending upon the temperature and atmospheric pressure.

8. Your residence is:

Right on the border between two neighbourhoods.

On a street that keeps you and your neighbours as far from the shore as possible.

The awesome penthouse suite at the top of your building.

9. You most frequently attend parties:

In the balloons.

In the sugar in the cake.

With your friend, at least when she’s not busy keeping the pool clean.

10. Your favourite Monty Python sketch is:

“The Self Defence Sketch”.

“Seduced Milkmen”.

“How Not to Be Seen”.

Error: Answer all ten questions

Your score is . You are:

SODIUM

You reside all across Earth, but mostly in the oceans where you are one of the most common inhabitants other than the water itself. When you meet someone who is unlike you, you are eager to offer a spare electron – you always have one – in case it is needed. In fact, you are frequently concerned with your greater environment. Although you rarely enter cells, you are especially eager to help maintain potential differences in the nervous system.

CARBON

You are often willing to form friendships and bonds with others, even those who are unlike you. You have particular skill in multitasking, as you are frequently found working tightly with as many as four others. You are quite capable of forming something of incredible brilliance and value, but you are also not afraid to get dirty, and to get people’s lungs dirty. But you should really do something about all that infrared that you’re absorbing.

HELIUM

You are often known to strike out on your own. You are reliable and will not go gallivanting off with some newcomer just because he’s got an electron. But you do frequently sneak into unexpected places. Speaking of which, could you come over and give me a hand with my vacuum chamber? I think I might have a leak somewhere.

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