WEEKLY WHINE

Throw your head into the ring

As you know, politics is a tricky business. In some countries, the political landscape is available only to those with influence. In other countries, the political landscape is available only to those with money. In still other countries, the political landscape has been evacuated, fenced off, invaded, mined, firebombed, reclaimed, demined, reinvaded, remined, refirebombed, defenced, refenced, rereinvaded, reremined, and redemined until it has been peaceful for some time, at which point it flares up again without warning due to some seemingly unrelated incident like violence at a football match or a dude whose street cart keeps getting confiscated even though it’s completely legal.

Of course, there is not much that we, the average citizenry, can do about it. We have proposed the GoobNet Anti-Politics Technical Outlays for Obliteration of Tomfoolery Holistically, a bill that would ban all politics in all forms for all time. Ironically, we can’t get the votes for it in the House. So in the meantime, we will simply continue to talk about politics, including these continuing stories, on our very own 24 hour news network, the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network.

ROMNEY TAKES NEVADA
Success based on LDS vote, anti-lunar sentiment

SYRIAN CONFLICT
Russia, China PR take firm stand in favour of sitting idly by

US SENATE VOTES ON INSIDER TRADING
Wait, it’s not already illegal for members of Congress? What the fuck?

ANTI-SEQUESTRATION PROPOSALS
Congress still seeks ways to cut deficit without collecting more or spending less

PROTESTS IN RUSSIA
Putin’s approval ratings still above temperature

HIGH EARNER TAX RATES
Turn all rates sideways: 8% becomes ∞%

KUWAIT ELECTION
Opposition takes majority, votes to lock parliament doors

DOES MONEY REALLY EQUAL SPEECH?
They Might Be Giants were right: Life funny thing, can’t afford to speak