WEEKLY WHINE

Flags that we will pick up

We would like to thank all of you for viewing the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network. As you know, it has already become the number one source for live programming that is relayed via satellite to devices that use television as a means of information exchange.

Note: Most individuals would rank many thousands of other sources for live programming that is relayed via satellite to devices that use television as a means of information exchange higher than the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network. However, our rankings show the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network at the top, mostly because the vast majority of other television networks use graphics that don’t look anything like Apple IIe or Tandy displays.

Anyway, it’s not all shiny success here at the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network. We have still been unsuccessful in launching our 24 hour sports news network, for reasons that will forever be a mystery to us. So we will therefore have to settle for smaller, temporary measures like regular sports updates from Jhonny, a segment we like to call “Regular Sports Updates from Jhonny”. Here are the sports items on which Jhonny updated us in some of the most recent Regular Sports Updates from Jhonny.

TERRY’S INTERNATIONAL CAREER OVER
Rumours that FA begging Beckham to return untrue – probably

REPLACEMENT REFEREE WATCH
Teams eager for regular referees to return include Baltimore, Pittsburgh, Washington, St Louis, Atlanta, ...

PREMIER LEAGUE HANDSHAKE WATCH
Suarez-Evra 1, Terry-Ferdinand 0

FIFA ETHICS CRISIS
Investigators report lack of cooperation, tea

DC RETURNS TO POSTSEASON
Washington continue streak of participating in baseball playoffs only when economy is rotten

NHL LOCKED OUT
GoobNet Hockey League on standby

SAN JOSE APPROACH SHIELD
Rest of MLS still frantically adjusting sets

GENERIC COLLEGIATE AMERICAN FOOTBALL REPORT
Select topic: strange rankings, surprising result, this week’s crazy Oregon uniform, other