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WEEKLY WHINE

Kitchen prognosticational

As you know, 2012 has now almost completely happened, and 2013 is about to begin happening. We here at GoobNet are still hard at work on our machine that makes things stop happening, but with little to no success so far. To this point, all that we have made to stop happen is our kitchen’s nonexploding streak, which had reached an all time high of eight days. We of course hope for greater success in our kitchen in 2013.

But what about your kitchen? How will things go for you and your kitchen in 2013, and what strange new foods will make their début appearances in your kitchen in 2013? Here are the continuing stories to which the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network expects to give frequent air time in 2013.

OBAMA’S SECOND TERM
More foreign policy, less fiscal cliff diving

MARS SCIENCE LABORATORY ROLLS ON
Expected to reach Aeolis Mons before everyone stops giggling about what “Aeolis Mons” sounds like

IRAN PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION
Who will spend the next four years being overruled by Ayatollah Khamenei?

NHL LOCKOUT CONTINUES
Five minute major for conduct unbecoming sports league

CHINA PR’S LUNAR LANDER PROGRAMME
Rover to be commanded to look out for bunny girl

MEN’S WORLD CUP QUALIFIERS
GoobNet can now confirm that Albania will totally qualify

HOTTEST 2013 FILM
The Great Gatsby, Top Gun 3D fall to boomstick of Evil Dead remake

TAYLOR SWIFT’S PERSONAL LIFE
Select next romantic interest: Robert Pattinson, Charlie Sheen, Nicki Minaj, other

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