WEEKLY WHINE
There has been much excitement amongst ice hockey supporters about the tentative agreement reached yesterday between the National Hockey League and its respective players association. Assuming the agreement is finalised soon, the NHL will resume soon, perhaps as soon as next week.
But what will the league look like when it resumes? Well, it is actually going to look quite similar to what it looked like before the lockout, because few teams have made changes to their uniforms. Here now we present a complete review of all NHL teams’ uniforms by the GoobNet Special Projects Enhancement and Enforcement Division [SPEED]. They have reviewed the primary home and away uniforms for each team, as well as the alternate uniforms that many teams have.
The Devils’ uniforms are amongst the best in the league. The only changes we recommend are to make the shoulders on the away sweater red rather than black, and to reintroduce the special red and green sweater worn on St Patrick’s Day a couple of years ago, which was a recreation of the club’s original uniform.
Suitable as is. That is, the home and away sweaters are suitable as is. Once the club eradicates the ridiculous black and sliver third jersey, their uniforms will be correct.
Another team with excellent uniforms, the Rangers’ sweaters are the original diagonal lettering sweaters. Many teams have attempted to mimic this, but none to the same degree of success. Our only suggestion is to reintroduce the Statue of Liberty third sweater.
We are uncertain as to whether the Flyers look better in orange or black sweaters, so we would recommend reintroducing the black sweater as a third. We also welcome the contrasting nameplate on the back, which the team just added a couple of years ago.
These are good uniforms, though we would welcome the return of the horizontally striped uniform worn in the late nineties and early aughts as a third kit.
This is an enjoyable set of uniforms. The black B in the logo reads well on both the home and away sweaters [the black sweater originally had a gold B]. The third sweater features an inspired update of an early club logo.
The Sabres have had serious problems with their uniforms ever since the ill advised change to black and red in 1996. The return to the club’s original logo a couple of years ago was greeted with an enormous “Well, it’s about damn time!” from the fans. Even so, we would suggest adding the sword B logo to the shoulders of the current home and away sweaters.
The Canadiens’ uniforms have been essentially unchanged since the 17th century [it seems that way, anyway]. Furthermore, we enjoy the recent habit of introducing alternate uniforms from the club’s long history.
Overall, this club has decent uniforms, although we still prefer the original logo, with the centurion facing sideways. We would also suggest reversing the colours of the primary and third sweaters, such that the home is black and the third is red with black and white stripes.
The Maple Leafs offer more evidence that a simple uniform can be a great uniform. However, we are curious to see what a third sweater featuring the TML monogramme, which appeared on the sleeves in the last decade, would look like.
This is a well executed set of uniforms. Our only complaint is that the alternate logo is wrong. The single red and black flag would represent only a tropical storm warning. You’re called the Hurricanes, so just be a dear and add that second flag. Thanks.
As with the Texas Rangers, the Panthers have been unable to decide whether they are a red team or a blue team. To make matters worse, the current home and away sweaters both have stripes down the sleeves that obstruct additional stripes around the sleeves. Select a stripe design and stick with it.
The Lightning offer evidence that a simple uniform can be a sucky uniform. The club should revert to the jerseys worn in the early aughts. The current third jersey would be acceptable once they replace the diagonal BOLTS with the previous logo.
After a ten year episode of madness, the club has abandoned the blue, black, and bronze in favour of its original red, white, and blue. These uniforms are suitable as is; we particularly enjoy the alternate logo with an eagle over the Capitol building. Our only complaint is that the word CAPITALS is rendered in lowercase, though Washington’s hipsters will certainly enjoy the irony.
We enjoy the Jets’ uniforms immensely, though we would welcome a third sweater that features the club’s winged alternate logo. However, we encourage the players’ association to urgently drop its objection to moving Winnipeg out of the Southeast Division. Seriously, just swap them with Nashville and be done with it.
This is a fine set of uniforms, though our favourite is the third sweater that borrows from a 1930s uniform design.
As with many of the recent expansion teams, the Blue Jackets have been unable to settle on a consistent appearance. The CBJ logo has now been replaced by a star with the Ohio state flag. Various alternate logos, like a cannon, a Civil War era US Army cap, and even a bug in a Civil War uniform, have been featured over the years. The club can’t even decide on a font: the player names, numbers, and alternate logo patch are all rendered in different fonts. The club should use the font from the cannon logo for all applications.
Suitable as is. These uniforms have served the club well for decades.
We welcome the recent simplification of the Predators’ logo, though we are still unsure about the change to a yellow home sweater. Predators, please introduce a blue third sweater and then get back to us in a couple of years.
We are still against the multiple shades of blue used by this club. We recommend reverting to the sweaters worn in the early aughts, but with the navy blue replaced by the lighter blue.
The recent change was a poor decision. The Flames should make the present third uniform the normal home uniform and add a white version of it.
The Avs should revert to their original uniforms, including the third sweater with the diagonal lettering.
The Oilers have never changed their logo but have repeatedly changed the shades of blue and orange used. The club has now returned to the original blue and orange. The fans enjoy this, but we disagree in the interest of seeing some sort of difference between this club and the Islanders. We recommend reverting to the darker colours worn in the aughts.
The Wild recently changed to red sweaters at home, but we recommend reverting to the green sweaters worn previously.
This club has been through so many changes in colours and logos, but it appears to have settled down in recent years into something of a combination of the orca logo from the late 1990s with the original colours of blue and green. We enjoy this combination and would only suggest a third sweater with the V from the early 1980s in the current colours.
Suitable as is. Some fans enjoy the third sweater with the prominent orange trim, but we recommend sticking with the gold as a secondary colour.
The Stars made an unusual move recently, introducing uniforms with only DALLAS and the player number on the front. Although we certainly applaud their willingness to make adventurous changes, we boo the result. If the club really wants to put numbers on the front of the sweater, we recommend putting them inside the star.
Though the Kings’ current logo has been mocked as pencilish, it is in fact a royal banner. We recommend adding some purple to either the top or the bottom portion of the banner to highlight this. Otherwise, the uniforms are suitable as is; it’s hard to argue with a uniform that has just won the Stanley Cup.
We question the need for the Coyotes themselves, as well as for their arena. But if they must exist, we recommend reverting to the original uniforms with the kachina logo.
Suitable as is. This is a rare example of a team whose uniforms improved with the Reebok redesign of 2007.
PLEASE SEND ALL CONDESCENDING CORRECTIONS TO <GOOBNET@GOOBNET.NET>
© 2018 GOOBNET ENTERPRISES, INC [WHICH DOESN’T ACTUALLY EXIST HOWEVER]
THIS FILE ACCURATE AS OF: THU 06 DEC 2018 – 06:34:53 UTC · GENERATED IN 0.005 SECONDS
