WEEKLY WHINE

Messi and enemies

Football has recently been in the news, not least because of the protests in Brazil over the last month. Brazil has just completed hosting the Confederations Cup and will host the Men’s World Cup next year, but protestors throughout the country have criticised the money being spent on stadiums and transportation rather than on health care and education.

These and other stories in the footballing world have been discussed in great detail recently. But who is going to put all these disparate stories in a greater context that helps us all understand exactly what is going on and what it means?

If you answered “The GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network”, you are clearly living in a fantasy world. And while you’re there in that fantasy world, could you pick us up some of those chocolate covered unicorn horns? Thanks. Those things are awesome.

Anyway, the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network only places news stories in a greater context that helps us all understand exactly what is going on and what it means when the news story has something to do with Dave and Vickie Beckham. For all other news stories, we simply come up with silly graphics and descriptions such as these.

BRAZIL WIN CONFEDERATIONS CUP
Protests defeat Spain for second place

ROONEY TO LEAVE MAN UTD?
Suitors include Chelsea, Barcelona, Chivas USA

URUGUAY, ARGENTINA TO COHOST 2030 WORLD CUP?
Brazilians: Only thing worse than hosting World Cup is them hosting it

CHARITY MATCH CANCELLED
Messi’s friends to hold intervention

LAS VEGAS FRIENDLY ENDS IN BRAWL
Super Lucha at Mexican Super Clásico

ETHIOPIA, TOGO FIELD INELIGIBLE PLAYERS
Counting lesson: One yellow card... two yellow cards

REFEREE STABS PLAYER, KILLED BY SPECTATORS
Brazil, what the fuck?

NO, REALLY
Seriously, Brazil, what the fuck?!