WEEKLY WHINE

Do not leave it unattended

Do you like to travel?

You do? Why?

And don’t say “so I can get places”. That’s just the type of outmoded thinking that got us into this predicament in the first place.

And don’t ask what this predicament is. You totally know.

Anyway, if you are in this type of predicament, you are just the person for this brand new Super Happy Assortment of GoobNet Activities Designed Exclusively for Lagged Individuals and Companions that we have prepared. Print them out and participate in them when you cannot board your aircraft because Burt Lancaster needs to authorise George Kennedy to get that other aircraft the hell out of the way.

SPEE-ARRANGE

Put these letters in alphabetical order.

WHAT’S MISSING?

Identify the one word that belongs in all of the blanks below.

1. It’s a beautiful ____.
2. Matt Lauer hosts the To____ show.
3. Hey, do you remember that ____ I met Adriana Lima? That was totally awesome.
4. Why does everybody call it “the To____ show”?
5. Daniel ____-Lewis has won three Academy Awards.
6. I mean, its actual name is just To____.
7. It’s Satur____!
8. It just doesn’t make any sense to call it “the To____ show”, is all I’m saying.

THE QUESTIONS

1. Which chemical element played a crucial role in the first working time machine?

1. Strontium
2. Calcium
3. Argon
4. Manganese

2. What was the first extrasolar planet to be settled by humans?

1. Tau Ceti e
2. HD 85512 b
3. Gliese 667C c
4. Gliese 581 c

3. What was the first university to award a non-honorary graduate degree to a robot equipped with artificial intelligence?

1. California Institute of Technology
2. McGill University
3. Columbia University
4. University of Pennsylvania

4. Who was the first human to live to the age of 200 years?

1. John Oliver
2. David Spade
3. Wendy Schaal
4. Jonah Hill

[ show the answers ]