WEEKLY WHINE

Questions to be addressed

As things happen and people react to them, it is natural for you to be asking questions about them. It is even natural, in certain circumstances, for you to care about what is happening in the rest of the world, or even for you to care about things that are happening to people who are not you.

If you do, in certain circumstances, care about what is happening in the rest of the world, the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network might be for you.

If you do not care about what is happening in the rest of the world, or about things that are happening to people who are not you, the Fox Business network might be for you. Jim Varney in particular is likely to meet your approval. At least, he would if you cared about people who are not you.

Well, for those who are still here, let’s look at some of the things that are happening in the rest of the world. Some of these items might even be happening to people who are not you. If so, we hope that you will still lend your full attention to the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network and not go changing the channel to whatever other random shit is currently airing on Bravo. If you do, here are the recurring stories we are covering, and the questions we are asking about them.

KHOBRAGADE RETURNS TO INDIA
Will row affect diplomats’ complete and total lack of accountability?

WEST VIRGINIA WATER CONTAMINATION
Can this be blamed in any way on fracking?

CLEARING OUT SYRIA’S CHEMICAL WEAPONS
Are we seriously destroying chemical weapons in international waters?

GW BRIDGE LANE CLOSURES
Can we seriously not come up with a better name than ‘Bridgegate’?

RODMAN VISITS KOREA DPR
Is he early frontrunner for Chris Farley Memorial Award?

GATES’S OBAMA CRITICISM
Wasn’t that Obama’s entire campaign platform?

NORTH AMERICAN WINTER
Will people realise that global warming doesn’t change axial tilt?

RODRIGUEZ’S SUSPENSION REDUCED
Are performance enhancing drugs legal yet?