WEEKLY WHINE

The bias of reality

The crisis in Ukraine has continued to escalate steadily. Recently, Russian troops approached an air base in Crimea, but they apparently changed their minds and turned around. This follows after the Crimean parliament voted to join Russia, the Russian parliament authorised the use of force in Ukraine, and Russian soldiers moved into the peninsula.

Of course, if your perspective on this matter is different, the above facts are also different. Depending upon your perspective, the Crimean parliament either bravely represents the will of the people or has performed a provocative, illegal act.

But what if you want to know what is really happening in the region? What if you want an unbiased sense of actual events on the ground without the filters that each news organisation applies separately?

If that is what you want, the correct answer is “tough shit”.

But as usual, the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network is here to rescue you. We regret that we are unable to present an unbiased accounting of the facts. However, we are in a position to present all possible biases to you. So you got that going for you. Which is nice.

UKRAINE CRISIS: KYIV’S PERSPECTIVE
Ukrainian parliament vows to do things that have no effect in Crimea

UKRAINE CRISIS: SIMFEROPOL’S PERSPECTIVE
Crimean parliament vows to convince world that Sevastopol is not Crimea’s capital

UKRAINE CRISIS: MOSCOW’S PERSPECTIVE
Putin vows to protect anybody who speaks Russian

UKRAINE CRISIS: BERLIN’S PERSPECTIVE
Merkel vows to help Putin understand which world this is

UKRAINE CRISIS: WASHINGTON’S PERSPECTIVE
Obama administration vows to work toward least shitty outcome

UKRAINE CRISIS: BRUSSELS’S PERSPECTIVE
NATO vows to uphold territorial integrity of Ukraine without saying how

UKRAINE CRISIS: SOCHI’S PERSPECTIVE
Ukrainian Paralympians vow to leave if crisis escalates

UKRAINE CRISIS: EVERYBODY ELSE’S PERSPECTIVE
Rest of world vows to keep making films with Russian villains