WEEKLY WHINE

Waiting for the Big One

Do you like sport?

Do you like to watch people talking about sport?

Do you like to watch people talking about sport without making arguments that make them look like complete and total idiots?

Yes, we here at the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network are not complete and total idiots. We operate a 24 hour news network.

You may currently be saying, “Wait. Who would want to operate a 24 hour news network? Only a complete and total idiot would want to do that.”

No, only a complete and total masochist would want to operate a 24 hour news network. Only a complete and total idiot would want to watch a 24 hour news network.

Or is it the other way around?

Anyway, one of the many things that is frequently discussed on the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network is sport. We love sport. Each of us have our own favourites: Edvard loves his football, Chris also loves his football, Milene loves her gymnastic football, and Reg loves Milene’s gymastic football.

And yet, we can only spare a few minutes from time to time on the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network to dedicate to sport. That is because we regularly hand over to Jhonny for a sports update, a segment we call the Regular Sports Update from Jhonny.

But more recently, we have begun to irregularly hand over to Saweelah for a sports update, a segment we call the Irregular Sports Update from Saweelah. Here are the sports items on which Saweelah updated us in some of the most recent Irregular Sports Updates from Saweelah.

FIFA IN CRISIS
Garcia, Eckert still on opposite sides of question: ‘Sepp Blatter: great FIFA president, or the greatest FIFA president?’

EQ GUINEA TO HOST AFRICAN NATIONS CUP
Nigeria out, Morocco busy washing hands

NBA SEASON BEGINS
Clippers fans finally able to support team in public

BUFFALO SNOWSTORM
Rangers-Sabres postponed, Jets-Bills to Detroit, fan snowplows laid off

MESSI BREAKS PRIMERA DIVISIÓN RECORD
Reaches 253 goals with lift from teammates

MLS EXPANSION RACE
Sacramento, Minneapolis, Las Vegas to woo Garber with flowers, luxury boxes

RAIDERS WIN A GAME! RAIDERS WIN A GAME!
Person responsible for sacking sack dancers to be sacked

BLACKPOOL MANAGER IN ROLLER COASTER VOW
If Seasiders stay up, Clark will ride coaster, reduce Bacon number to one