WEEKLY WHINE

Fifty shades are blacked out

Nunavut’s sixteenth anniversary celebrations are fast approaching, and all branches of the GoobNet media empire have been getting in on the fun.

Who can forget GoobNet Football’s salute to the one hundred greatest Nunavummiut footballers? The GoobNet Agency for Reintroducing Relegation into Recreational Game Hierarchies’s plan for a promotion playoff between Nunavut and Prince Edward Island – winner gets to be a province? The GoobNet Hat Brigade’s line of hats in the shape of some of the most prominent islands of Nunavut?

The GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network, of course, is also participating. For the last week, we have been offering nonstop, round the clock coverage of Nunavut and the issues that matter to Nunavummiut.

We have, of course, been receiving complaints to the effect that the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network has not been providing adequate coverage of the rest of the world. To that we say: The rest of the world can go fuck itself. The Copenhagen shootings are free to shut up. Benedict Cumberbatch’s wedding can go deduce why we don’t care. Jon Stewart’s retirement can keep its Moment of Zen to itself.

Well, if you are still here, you must be very excited about our continuing coverage of all things Nunavut, so please enjoy this review of the Nunavummiut topics that we have been covering this week.

TAPTUNA SEEKS DEVOLUTION AGREEMENT
Deal would grant Nunavut authority over resources, Tim Horton’s locations

NUNAVUT HEALTH CARE RANKED LAST IN NATION
Government denies rumours that dentists’ drills to be replaced by narwhals

SEWAGE EMERGENCY IN POND INLET
Person responsible for previous ‘no shit’ caption has been sacked

NUNAVUT FOOD CRISIS WORSENS
Well, that’s one way to solve sewage emergency

FORMER CATHOLIC PRIEST SENTENCED TO 19 YEARS
Person responsible for sacking person responsible for previous ‘holy fuck’ caption has been sacked

KEYTOOAK WINS UQQUMMIUT BYELECTION
Clyde River learns harsh lesson about vote splitting

LAW SOCIETY REACHES OUT TO COMMUNITY
Society seeks to inform Nunavummiut of their rights, access to maple syrup

TEAM NUNAVUT AT CANADA WINTER GAMES
Wait, badminton at the Winter Games? Thanks, global warming