WEEKLY WHINE

Offense all around

Recently, a Roman Catholic bishop in Colombia successfully offended both sides of the gay marriage debate, by using a homophobic term whilst suggesting that some of the apostles of the Christian faith might have been gay.

Naturally, we were very impressed by this and began to seek other ways to offend both sides of debates. Here is what we came up with.

• Ayn Rand would have been a 99 percenter.
• Women should be paid less than men so as to delay their inevitable takeover and enslavement of men.
• Rush Limbaugh is a big fat idiot who is right about everything.
• Batman would kick Superman’s ass by using his superpowers.
• Those floppy grease soaking napkins that New Yorkers call pizza are totally better than Chicago deep dish pizza.
• Women’s basketball is better because all the players are lesbians.
• Bella shouldn’t see either Jacob or Edward.
• Mexico only qualified for the 2014 Men’s World Cup because Graham Zusi and Aron Jóhansson can’t figure out a simple risk/​reward assessment.