WEEKLY WHINE

64 other names

GoobNet welcomes you to the following message to Dan Snyder.

Dan Snyder, you own a professional American football team based in the vicinity of Washington, DC, USA. Please stop.

Failing that, please stop using an offensive term in the name of the team. You have repeatedly stated that the team’s name is “intended” to honour Native Americans. We once again remind you that it is not doing so.

You are likely to make a nonsensical argument about “political correctness gone mad” or something of the sort. We once again remind you that this is not what political correctness means. You should change the name of your team for business reasons: the team’s current name is alienating millions of your potential customers. And these are not merely Native Americans. All honest, hard working Americans who have honestly worked hard to build a functioning society have taken offence at this name.

You are likely to whine that there are no other appropriate names. Please stop doing that too, because this is our Weekly Whine. You may whine on your own website. If you choose to do so, please do so only after changing the name of your team to one of the following names that the GoobNet Special Projects Enhancement and Enforcement Division [SPEED] came up with whilst Wen was reheating her rice.

1. Washington Warriors
2. Washington Sentinels
3. Washington Hail
4. Washington Generals
5. Washington Presidents
6. Washington Senators
7. Washington Representatives
8. Washington Lawyers
9. Washington Lobbyists
10. Washington Elites
11. Washington Latte Liberals
12. Washington Old Greedy Conservatives
13. Washington Constitutional Law Lecturers
14. Washington Residents Who Have No Vote in Congress
15. Washington Deficits
16. Washington Yes Men
17. Washington Smithsonians
18. Washington Musea
19. Washington Philosoraptors
20. Washington Burgundies
21. Washington Greens
22. Washington Reds
23. Washington Indigos
24. Washington Clash
25. Washington Mutiny
26. Washington Rebels
27. Washington Alliance
28. Washington X Wings
29. Washington Tie Fighters
30. All Your Footballs Are Belong to Washington
31. W@$#1ng+0n Pwnage
32. Washington Admirals
33. Washington Colonels
34. Washington Lieutenant Colonels
35. Washington Majors
36. Washington Captains
37. Washington Lieutenants
38. Washington Commodores
39. Washington Commanders
40. Washington Lieutenant Commanders
41. Washington Ensigns
42. Washington Conquistadors
43. Washington Navy SEALs
44. Washington Satellites
45. Washington Tandys
46. Washington Art Gallery Security Guards
47. Washington Avant Garde Postmodernists
48. Washington Mud Cats
49. Washington Lookouts
50. Washington Calculators
51. Washington Peeps
52. Washington Eagles
53. Washington Cowboys
54. Landover Shoppers
55. Landover Wizards
56. Landover Wiz
57. Washington Entities
58. Sporting Washington
59. Washington Arsenal
60. Snyder’s Old Boys
61. Potomac Juniors
62. Washington People Whose Skins Come in a Wide Variety of Shades and Tones, Which Is Totally Okay and In Fact Beneficial As It Offers the Potential for a Vast Range of Viewpoints to be Heard and Exercised
63. Saw No Thing Anagram Enthusiasts
64. FC GoobNet

GoobNet thanks you for reading this message to Dan Snyder.